Building resilience during IVF – how to cope with the highs and lows

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Building emotional resilience can help you manage these emotions, recover from setbacks and cope with life’s difficulties and uncertainties.

What is resilience?

‘Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.’1

Being resilient does not mean avoiding feelings of stress or emotional pain – rather, it is adapting to difficult or unexpected circumstances and bouncing back from the experience.

Resilience improves your wellbeing

Concerning fertility, research has shown that higher levels of resilience among couples struggling with fertility are associated with enhanced quality of life and emotional stability, as well as lower fertility-related distress.2
Beyond helping you cope during fertility treatment, building resilience can have a positive impact on your overall health and wellbeing, leading to3:

  • Fewer depressive symptoms
  • Improved adaptation to stress
  • Enhanced ability to cope during distressing experiences
  • Improved physical health.

Practices to build your resilience

Like progressively strengthening a muscle, you can learn to become more resilient to life’s challenges over time. Here are some examples that may help.

Grow supportive connections Cropped shot of two young women embracing each other

Drawing on the support of those around you, including your partner (where applicable), family or friends, can help share the emotional load of your experience as you continue with your fertility treatment.4 Help is a two-way street – in addition to accepting help, supporting your loved ones through difficult moments can help you feel connected to others while giving you a sense of satisfaction, in turn strengthening your resilience. Small and simple gestures like checking in with a friend or lending an empathetic ear while others are dealing with stress can also distract you from an inward focus where you feel stuck in your own problems.

Manage uncertainty

During fertility counselling sessions, we often dive into how to navigate feelings of uncertainty and lack of control that can be experienced during fertility treatment. This is because learning how to accept uncertainty – not just during fertility treatment but throughout life in general – can help develop resilience.

But merely accepting the unpredictability and ‘unknowns’ of your fertility care is not an easy thing to do, which is why we recommend practising mindfulness. Instead of latching onto feelings of uncertainty when these thoughts arise, acknowledge their existence and try to move through these feelings. This is one of the hardest things to do, so be kind to yourself while you work on this.

Set small, achievable goals

The pride and sense of accomplishment you feel when achieving a goal is motivating and energising, helping you to feel more optimistic. Research has shown that breaking down your overarching goal into smaller short-term goals can help reframe your mindset while also relieving feelings of disappointment after a negative fertility treatment cycle.4

So ensuring that your goals are achievable is a great way to build resilience. In this instance, the importance is not the goal itself but the process of setting small goals and noticing your progress.

Break down each step in your fertility treatment cycle into mini-goals – this might include taking your hormone injections each day, completing your blood tests and scans, having your embryo transfer or intrauterine insemination procedure, or getting through each day of the two-week wait before finding out whether the treatment resulted in the outcome you were hoping for.

Sprinkle in some joy

There can be moments of sadness and loss when trying to conceive, which can make it harder to appreciate other joys in life, particularly if your fertility journey is regularly on your mind (as it’s very easy for treatment to become a sole focus).

Try to maintain some ‘normality’ in your life by engaging in activities that bring you joy.4 Humour is also effective in helping to develop a more resilient nature, so exploring activities that make you laugh while giving you a break from treatment can help you stay connected to day-to-day life.

Take the time to reflect

Think back on obstacles that you have previously overcome and recognise that you have already been developing resilience over the years, perhaps without knowing it. Reflect on past situations that have caused you stress, grief or trauma and ask yourself:

  • What worked in helping you to cope during these times?
  • What didn’t work well?
  • Who were the best people to help you at those times?

Take these learnings with you on your fertility journey and draw on them when working through any disappointing or unexpected outcomes.

Connect with our supportive counselling team

Our compassionate Newlife IVF counsellors are here to guide you through every step of your journey.

At Newlife IVF, we are committed to supporting our patients the best we can, which includes providing you with additional counselling sessions at no extra cost. To book an appointment with one of our counsellors, call (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected]. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to consult with you over the phone so you don’t have to take time off work.

We also offer our TLC group support sessions to help you overcome feelings of isolation during treatment and improve your connection with others. Please email [email protected] for upcoming meetings.

Remember, you have made it through rough times before. You’ve got this.

References

  1. American Psychological Association. Building your resilience. American Psychological Association. 2020. Accessed 20249. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience ↩
  2. Herrmann D, Scherg H, Verres R et al. Resilience in infertile couples acts as a protective factor against infertility-specific distress and impaired quality of life. J Assist Reprod Genet. 2011;28(11):1111–1117. doi:10.1007/s10815-011-9637-2 ↩
  3. Quyen G, Vandelanotte C, Cope K, et al. The association of resilience with depression, anxiety, stress and physical activity during the COVID-19 pandemic. BMC Public Health. 2022;22. ↩
  4. Bailey A, Ellis-Caird H, Croft C. Living through unsuccessful conception attempts: a grounded theory of resilience among women undergoing fertility treatment. J Reprod Infant Psychol. 2017 Sep;35(4),324–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2017.1320366 ↩ ↩ ↩

Balancing work and fertility treatment

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For instance, it can feel overwhelming when you have to manage multiple appointments – including tests, scans and procedures – alongside a busy work schedule. Below, we explore common patient experiences when navigating a career as well as fertility treatment, along with advice from our counsellors to help you manage this balancing act.

To tell or not to tell

Some people find it easier to communicate with their workplace manager about their upcoming fertility treatment so that they can negotiate time off or flexible working arrangements when beginning a treatment cycle. Being upfront and open about what is required of you throughout your fertility treatment journey can help you and your manager plan around the quantity of work you can do, along with arrangements to suit your treatment schedule, such as reduced travel, flexible hours or the option to work from home if needed.

Unfortunately, there are instances where workplaces are not supportive of their employees, and women choose to withhold their family-building plans from their workplace for fear of discrimination or missing out on opportunities due to future pregnancy. If you elect not to disclose your fertility treatment with your workplace, have a plan in place to help you manage your scheduled appointments, including time off work for your procedures. Without going into the specific details, you may consider disclosing that you are ‘having a medical procedure’ and leave it at that.

Managing questions

Having your colleagues ask questions about your fertility or why you’ve had time off lately is a common experience for many of our patients. Some people are inherently curious about your family-building plans even though it isn’t necessarily their business. Just as you may be doing with family and friends, you might consider having a plan to manage these questions. For instance, coming up with some standard responses can be a good trick to have up your sleeve so that you can reply promptly and nip that curiosity in the bud.

If you’ve already opened up to others about your infertility, you might find yourself fielding questions. For instance, there may be interest about when you’re starting treatment or how far along you are in your treatment cycle, along with how you’re feeling and whether you’re pregnant yet. While these questions are often well-intended and come from a good place, sometimes they are misplaced or poorly timed.

If you have told others about your fertility treatment journey, consider setting boundaries with them from the start – let them know that you will update them when you have news or need their support, and kindly ask them to give you space during this time. For many patients, the workplace can serve as a place to remain busy and distracted, so being interrupted with questions related to your fertility treatment can impinge on your ability to distract yourself.

Should I take leave?

Patients often ask us for advice on whether they should take a few days or weeks off work during their treatment. In our experience, this decision is highly individual and often determined by whether it is financially viable for you to do so or if you have enough annual leave accrued to facilitate this.

During our counselling sessions, we also discuss whether it is helpful to maintain a normal routine. On one hand, sticking to your routine can give you a sense of normalcy and preserve your emotional health and wellbeing. Meanwhile, extended leave from work may leave you feeling like you have too much time on your hands, causing you to ruminate on your treatment. On the other hand, if you find that work is exacerbating your distress about your fertility journey, perhaps it’s worth considering a few days of planned leave or working from home during the more stressful periods of your treatment cycle.

We generally advise patients to take a day off work on the day of egg collection (and likely the next day). While there is a lesser need to do so for intrauterine insemination (IUI) and embryo transfers, it can be an opportunity for you to have a day off to do something enjoyable and celebrate. After all, you may have just made a baby! Taking sick leave for these days is how most patients manage their treatment, and you will be given a medical certificate on the day of your procedure to accommodate this.

Self-care at work

Some patients have found that they are less engaged and ‘switched on’ at work while undertaking fertility treatment or that they are falling short of their usual high standards. In these instances, it’s important to remind yourself that your medications (which mimic your body’s hormones) and the potential stress of fertility issues can affect how you function at work. You also may find that your focus shifts away from work and towards the practical and emotional demands of fertility treatment.

Making your work a lesser priority can feel strange and uncomfortable, particularly if you have a strong work ethic. It may take some time to adjust to these new feelings, so be kind to yourself in this space – and be mindful of the pressure you place on yourself at work. Consider lowering the expectations you have for yourself. You don’t always need to function at 100% capacity.

You may find that telling a trusted colleague about your treatment can help provide you with emotional support and practical help when dealing with these feelings. Perhaps even consider devising strategies for when you’re feeling under pressure, such as leaving your office for a walk, practising mindfulness or breathing exercises, talking to your support person or a friend, or even leaving work early.

Our counselling team is here to help

The Newlife IVF counsellors are very experienced in providing support during and after IVF treatment. If you would like to book an appointment with one of our counsellors, please do not hesitate to contact us. You can reach our team by calling (03) 8080 8933. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to talk with you over the phone, so you don’t have to take more time off work.

Newlife IVF’s millenary milestone

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It’s a proud moment for us because when we established our clinic four years ago, we set out to provide patients with the highest standard of fertility care.

‘When starting Newlife IVF, I was very conscious of the people I surrounded myself with – I wanted to work alongside people who had been practising in their respective fields for many years and had significant experience, but who saw and wanted an opportunity to do things differently and injected our shared values into our work,’ said Dr Tiki Osianlis, Newlife IVF’s Managing Director and Scientific Director.

And we did just that! Our six founding doctors, including Dr Osianlis, Dr Chris Russell, Dr Nicole Hope, Dr Sameer Jatkar, Dr Hugo Fernandes and Associate Professor Martin Healey, already had a wealth of knowledge and experience at the time. So, they paired their expertise with a unique offering for the TTC (trying to conceive) community, centred around a more personalised, caring and supportive experience for couples and individuals wanting to begin or expand their families. Their intention was to create a service that enabled them to navigate the fertility journey alongside their patients.

Fertility specialists Dr Hugo Fernandes, Dr Sameer Jatkar and Dr Nicole Hope posing with a cake while celebrating the clinic's 1,000th baby milestone.

Staying true to this ethos has propelled Newlife IVF to where it is today – four years of scientific excellence accompanied by the gift of new life (1,000 new lives, to be exact!).

Helping others grow their families is what we do best

We’re pretty chuffed to have reached this momentous occasion. So, too, are the new parents of our 1,000th baby, Jess T and Luke.

‘We feel so privileged to be a part of this incredible milestone! It is amazing to think of how many families have been created thanks to Newlife IVF, and we will be forever thankful to count ourselves and our precious baby Liam among that number,’ said Jess T.

Like many parents-to-be, Jess T and Luke’s fertility journey came with challenges. ‘We had been trying to conceive for over a year without any success, including an early miscarriage. Friends of ours had also experienced infertility and recommended Dr Chris Russell and Newlife IVF. From our first consultation with Chris, we immediately felt like we were in good hands and that this would be our best chance to fulfil our dream of starting a family,’ she said.

It’s no secret that the path to parenthood is peppered with emotional highs and lows. For this reason, our team go above and beyond to help our patients feel supported, empowered, informed and in control throughout every step of their fertility journey.

‘Chris always made Luke and I feel like valued patients. He respected our input and preferences, and we always left our appointments feeling comfortable about the next course of action. Our counsellor also helped to put my mind at ease throughout my IVF journey. It was comforting knowing that I had extra support if I needed it,’ said Jess T.

Fertility treatment is more than just science

Fertility care hinges on more than just using the latest scientific tools and techniques (although we have those, too!). Rather, an exceptional fertility experience involves developing an empathetic and trustworthy relationship with your fertility provider. Just ask Jess S and Tim, who have recently conceived their third IVF baby with help from Dr Russell and the Newlife IVF team. In fact, they’ve been with us from the very beginning.

‘When we began our fertility journey with Chris, we didn’t know Newlife was only a month old. The care and support we received from the whole team was nothing short of exceptional. We always felt like we were in good hands’, said Jess S.

‘When we first saw Chris, we were so overwhelmed with grief and fear of potentially never being able to have a baby. We didn’t understand what was ahead of us. Chris was kind, gentle and understanding of all these emotions,’ she said.
The patient-doctor relationship grew from strength to strength, with Jess S and Tim returning to our clinic for babies two and three.

‘There was so much fear and anxiety when we first started the IVF process. But the staff at Newlife were so supportive and encouraging. The care and advocacy they provided was above and beyond. When we returned for our second and third transfers, we knew we would be looked after each time. And we were! Every time we’ve gone back to see Chris, it felt like we never left. He knew our journey, understood what we wanted for our family and supported us. I’m now halfway through my third pregnancy and feel like part of the furniture,’ said Jess S.

The Newlife IVF team celebrating the clinic's 1,000th baby milestone

Empathy lies at the heart of Newlife IVF

So it’s been four years of Newlife IVF, with 1,000 babies born, and many more to go. We feel extremely privileged to be part of our patients’ fertility journeys and are proud of all that we’ve achieved for them.

‘It’s immensely rewarding to help any patient achieve their dream family, but to help Jess and Tim have three babies in quick succession, and 1,000 babies in all over our first four years, really highlights the excellence that we are aiming for and achieving at Newlife IVF,’ said Dr Russell.

As we continue doing what we do best (building families and supporting our patients), we remain dedicated to offering you a more personalised, caring and supportive experience to bring you joy at the end of your journey with us.

So, here’s to the next thousand and all that follow thereafter!

Take the next step towards a new life

If you’re ready to begin your fertility journey, call us on (03) 8080 8933 or book online via our appointments page.

Infertility and the festive season – your guide to coping

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For some, the end of the year can also symbolise another year passed without achieving their family goals. It’s common for people undergoing fertility treatment to feel overwhelmed at the thought of socialising with others while navigating these thoughts and feelings – particularly as this time of year intertwines festive traditions with social commitments involving friends, family and colleagues.

Rest assured that it’s OK if you’re not feeling the festive vibe this year. While you may feel bound to your social calendar, take some pressure off by reminding yourself that these plans are not set in stone (even those considered a tradition!). In fact, if recent years have taught us anything, we’ve learned that plans can change.

Prioritise your own needs and feelings this holiday season. Rather than stretching yourself thin to meet the needs and expectations of others, commit to events and catch-ups on your own terms – or not at all if you’d prefer. Below are some small steps that may help you navigate this.

Negotiate this time of year with family and friends

Finding the courage to turn down events can be difficult. In these instances, you may benefit from taking a softer approach. Instead of overtly saying you can’t attend an event, take a practical stance when responding. ‘Sorry, that plan doesn’t suit me’ is a perfectly acceptable answer when declining an invitation.

Preparing for social gatherings

Be consciously selective about what you agree to – whether attending a social occasion, preparing food or buying gifts. If you choose to be present at a social gathering, consider how long you’d like to stay there. Perhaps popping in for a brief catch-up before excusing yourself is an ideal option.

It’s also worth thinking of tactics to help minimise feelings of stress or discomfort while there. For example, keeping yourself busy and distracted by helping the host with the cooking or cleaning may relieve you from topics of conversation you’d prefer not to partake in.

Communicate that you’re having a tough time. Doing so doesn’t necessarily mean disclosing information about your fertility journey. Rather, consider using more general references to having a stressful or difficult year. Prefacing this may also help your host understand your situation without feeling offended that you’ve declined their invitation or have chosen to leave their gathering early.

It can also be a good idea to prepare a code word or a signal to give your partner or support person when you need them to rescue you from a difficult conversation or when you want to go home. For an efficient exit strategy, have a mode of transport conveniently waiting in the wings, such as your own car or a pre-booked ride service.

You do you

Celebrate how you want! Allow yourself to commemorate the festive season in a way that is comfortable and meaningful to you. Perhaps a trip away with your partner or a friend aligns with your needs more than attending a big family gathering. Staying home is also an option. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that it brings you joy, even if only a little.

R&R is just what the doctor ordered

Use this holiday period to rest, relax and recharge while you take a break from treatment. Take advantage of your time off work to prioritise self-care. For instance, schedule a relaxing massage appointment, escape the city for a few days, plan some day trips to the beach or countryside, or simply curl up with a good book.

Pause and reflect

Take some time to reflect on your fertility journey so far, along with your plans for next year. Some prompts you can use include:

  • Is there anything you could do differently next year?
  • What are your expectations, and do you need to adjust these at all?
  • Do you have questions to discuss with your fertility specialist?

Conscious consideration of your journey so far allows you to sort through your observations and determine if there’s a better way of improving your experience. It also helps to break down big decisions into more manageable chunks, which can help you feel more in control and aid future decision-making.

Reach out for help

Reach out for support when you need help working through uncomfortable feelings as they arise. This could be from your partner (if you have one), a family member or a friend. Be open and honest with your networks about how you feel and how they can best support you.

Acknowledge that this time of year can trigger unwanted emotions and that it’s OK to feel the way you do, whatever that may be. We all cope in different ways. So do whatever is needed to keep your heart, mind and body strong for the coming year – and above all else, be kind to yourself!

Lastly, remember that the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help you navigate and unpack your experiences and emotions, so please reach out to us if you would like to talk. Call the Newlife IVF team on (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected].

World-class study sheds light on schooling outcomes of IVF children

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Understanding the long-term outcomes of IVF

Now, more than ever, couples and individuals are using fertility treatments such as IVF to begin or expand their families. In fact, 1 in 18 babies born in Australia are now conceived using IVF (as reported in 2020).1 Practically, this represents one to two children in every classroom.

Given the steady rise in IVF use throughout recent years, we must gain a deeper understanding of the long-term outcomes for these children, particularly regarding their developmental and educational milestones. Therefore, as part of my PhD research, I sought to discover if IVF-conceived children were at greater risk of developmental and educational delays than naturally conceived children.

The scientific proof is in the pudding

In the largest IVF-related Australian study, we assessed the schooling outcomes of 412,713 children aged between four and nine years (born between 2005 and 2014). The Australian Early Developmental Census (AEDC) – which examines physical health and wellbeing, social competence, emotional maturity, language and cognitive skills, communication skills and general knowledge – was used to assess developmental trends in children at school entry. Additionally, the National Assessment Program–Literacy and Numeracy (NAPLAN) test measured educational outcomes such as grammar and punctuation, reading, writing, spelling and numeracy, in grade 3.

The results from our study are reassuring to current and prospective parents and fertility specialists – we found equal developmental and educational outcomes between IVF and naturally conceived children. In fact, our findings indicated that IVF-conceived children performed slightly better in one learning domain, demonstrating they are more adept at writing than their peers.2 This suggests that school-based achievement is not adversely affected by IVF status.

Further to this, our results contradict previous studies that reported poorer school performance among IVF-conceived children. However, it’s worth noting that IVF technologies have evolved and advanced considerably since these studies, which date back to 2001. Therefore, our findings are more generalisable to modern-day fertility practice.

Results that set your mind at ease

Worry and anxiety are common in parenthood. However, these reassuring findings provide current and prospective parents with one less cause for concern. This robust analysis and large dataset have shown no link between IVF conception and adverse developmental outcomes for school-aged children, confirming that Australian IVF children have the same early childhood and schooling outcomes as their peers. While further research is needed to explore other long-term implications for IVF children, these results are encouraging and a good news story overall.

 

  1. Newman JE, Paul RC, Chambers GM. Assisted reproductive technology in Australia and New Zealand 2020. Sydney: National Perinatal Epidemiology and Statistics Unit, the University of New South Wales, Sydney, 2022. ↩︎
  2. Kennedy AL, Vollenhoven BJ, Hiscock RJ, et al. School-age outcomes among IVF-conceived children: A population-wide cohort study. PLoS Med, 2023;20(1): e1004148. doi: 10.1371/journal.pmed.1004148 ↩︎

Infertility, IVF and the festive season

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This post was contributed by Laura Oliver, one of Newlife IVF’s counsellors. 

Christmas often symbolises a time of joy and happiness. We plan celebratory events with family and friends, and take time to reflect on the end of another year. But this time of year can also be very difficult for women and couples who have been struggling with infertility and going through assisted reproductive treatment (ART) like IVF.

The focus at Christmas time is often on children and families, with Christmas cards and social media posts typically displaying pictures of family events or children with Santa. There can be a real sense of pressure to deliver good news at a time of year when many people are celebrating. However, if you’ve been struggling to fall pregnant or undergoing fertility treatment, the end of the year can serve as a painful marker that you have not achieved what you had hoped for this year, and for some of you, a reminder that yet another 12 months have gone by without a successful outcome.

All of this can bring up unwanted feelings of sadness, frustration, jealousy, anger and grief – and with a barrage of festive mementos and occasions around you to remind you that you’re not pregnant, it’s no wonder you feel this way!

Below are some tips on how you can manage the festive season while coping with fertility issues and undergoing treatment.

Be selective

Pre-plan and be selective about which events you attend at this time of year. If you do attend an event, consider how long to stay there for, and what you can do while there to minimise any feelings of stress or discomfort – for example, helping cook or wash up can help keep you busy and distracted, and may assist you to avoid topics of conversation you don’t want to be involved in.

Warn people in advance that you may find Christmas difficult – this doesn’t mean having to disclose information about your fertility; you can make more general references to having had a stressful or difficult year instead. Try to give your hosts time to understand that this year might look a little different for you, and to not be offended if you decide not to attend or only stay for a short while.

If you have a partner or a support person with you, plan a code word or signal to give when you need them to rescue you from a difficult conversation, or when you want to wind up and go home.

Celebrate

Celebrate how you want. Sometimes, this might feel a little selfish at a time when there are often traditions to uphold or family events to attend, but give yourself permission to celebrate in a way that is comfortable and meaningful to you at this time.

This could mean going away with a friend or just your partner (or staying home) and avoiding big family gatherings. Or starting a new tradition for this time of year. Do something that you know will bring you joy, no matter how small.

Re-charge

Use some of this holiday period to re-charge and take a break from treatment (if you feel you can). Take advantage of your time off work and prioritise self-care – pamper yourself! Get a massage, go away for a few days, plan some day trips to the beach or the countryside, or curl up with a good book.

Reflect

Take some time to reflect on your IVF journey so far, and perhaps think about your plans for treatment moving forward. Is there anything you could do differently next year? What are your expectations, and do you need to adjust these at all? Do you have questions to discuss with your specialist? Perhaps even think about how much longer you think you can continue with IVF treatment before needing to pause and reassess again.

Reflect on your own, with your partner (if you have one) or a support person. You could try using a journal to write down how you’re feeling, record the questions you may have, or come up with a list of pros and cons to aid future decision-making.

Ask for help

Use your supports (partner, family, friends) to help you work through any difficult feelings as they arise. Be open and honest with your networks about how you feel and the ways in which they can be of support to you. Be reassured that the way you are feeling, and the different types of emotions and thoughts that may be triggered at this time of year, are very normal. But we all cope in different ways, so make sure you do whatever it is you need to do to keep your heart, mind and body strong for the year to come. And above all else, remember to be kind to yourself!

Lastly, remember that the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help. We can help you navigate and unpack your experiences and emotions. If you feel that you could benefit from the support of our counselling team, please call the Newlife IVF team on (03) 8080 8933.

“So, when are you having a baby?”

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If you’re finding yourself in this situation more and more, it can be helpful to think ahead about how you and your partner (if you have one) might respond. By considering what information you are willing to share with others and who you are happy to share this information with, you’re less likely to feel at sixes and sevens when people raise this topic with you.

And if you do find yourself put on the spot, humour can be a great form of defence. Along these lines, we did some asking around and here are some serious and not-so-serious responses our patients reported giving when they had been confronted with this question in the past:

  • “I don’t know, but I’m starting on my list of free babysitters now. Can I put your name down?”
  • “As soon as I figure out how. Have you got any suggestions?”
  • “I knew there was something I’d forgotten to do!”
  • “I have a cat/dog – that’s enough responsibility for now.”
  • “I don’t know but wouldn’t it be nice if it was sooner rather than later!”
  • “Oh, we’re trying. Every day and twice on Sundays, since you ask.”
  • “We’re focusing on our careers for the next little while, then we’ll think about kids.”
  • “We’d love to have a baby but for whatever reason, it’s not happening for us yet. In the meantime, I’d prefer if you didn’t keep asking me about it. But we’ll be sure to shout it from the rooftops as soon as we are.”
  • “I’m sorry but that’s quite a sensitive issue for me/us. I’d rather not talk about it if that’s okay.”

We also asked these patients what they had found most helpful in terms of dealing with the emotions that these kinds of conversations can trigger. Here are some of their suggestions:

Allow yourself 15 minutes to dwell, then let it go

A common strategy for dealing with any stressful event is to put a time limit on how long you allow yourself to dwell or perseverate on what has happened. So, if you find yourself in this situation, set the timer on your phone for 5, 10 or 15 minutes – whatever you think is reasonable. But when the alarm goes off, do a Taylor Swift and commit to ‘shake it off’. If it helps, give your brain a physical cue to move on and think about something else: push the thoughts away with your hands, vigorously shake your head free of its thoughts, brush the load off your shoulders, dance off the negative vibes around the kitchen bench – then get on with your day.

Use the art of distraction

Distraction is a wonderful way to quickly shift negative or unpleasant thoughts. Immerse yourself in a jigsaw puzzle, watch a movie, try a new recipe, read a book – the task can be joyful or meditative or intensely difficult. It just needs to take you out of the present and transport you to a different place for a little while. This will give you some time out from your thoughts and help you to focus your mind elsewhere.

Find an outlet

Physically, emotions can leave us feeling uptight and strung out. Exercising is a great way to release some of the physical tension and reboot your energy. It also has the additional benefit of stimulating the release of feel-good endorphins, helping to lift your mood in a healthy way.

Or you may prefer to seek comfort in a creative outlet instead. If you like writing, keeping a journal can be a great way to process your feelings and document the ups and downs of your fertility journey. You could also use a journal to keep a list of questions you want to ask your doctor – questions that come to mind in the heat of the moment but you then forget when your thoughts and feelings settle down.

Consider opening up

And last but not least, it can be helpful to remember that people who ask you about having a baby are likely to be well-meaning family or friends who have no intention of hurting your feelings. If you are comfortable doing so, you can use this opportunity to open up and talk to them about your experiences – whether it’s the pressure of trying to fall pregnant, the challenge of dealing with a miscarriage or the loneliness of going through the process by yourself. Talking about your journey and its emotional toll can give people a better understanding of what you are going through. As the old adage goes: a problem shared is a problem halved. Being asked this question might just be the best form of therapy.

Help to fall pregnant

If you are struggling to conceive and would like professional advice on the next best steps to take on your fertility journey, you can make an appointment with one of our fertility specialists by calling Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933. You can also book online via our appointments page.

You may also find the following information useful:

Mind-body techniques that can help manage stress during your fertility journey

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How is this related to fertility? Individuals and couples dealing with fertility issues typically experience very high levels of stress and anxiety.1 Unfortunately, studies have shown an association between anxiety, elevations in cortisol (your body’s stress hormone) and fertility problems.2  This suggests that the actual stress of infertility may further hinder an individual’s or couple’s chances of conceiving. Mind-body techniques aim to address the mental and emotional wellbeing of an individual or couple trying to conceive and in doing so, help to reduce any role that stress may be playing in preventing them from falling pregnant.

Before I go on to explain some of the more common mind-body techniques, it’s important to be aware that high-quality evidence to support the use of these techniques in the setting of infertility is currently limited. This is because the effects of how we think and feel on our health can be difficult to measure. However, the research that does exist is certainly thought-provoking. There are also many passionate testimonials from individuals and couples who believe these techniques improved their overall health and wellbeing, and contributed to their success in getting pregnant by helping them to cope better with the challenges they were facing. Thus, while these techniques may not directly improve pregnancy rates, fertility specialists often offer them as an adjunct to other treatment in order to help patients/couples better manage the emotional toll and relationship stresses of fertility treatment, including IVF.

Some of the more popular techniques include:

1. Relaxation training

These techniques involve refocusing your attention on something that is calming to help relax the mind and body. There are many ways to achieve this, including breathing exercises, mindfulness, meditation and progressive muscle relaxation. These techniques have been linked to reduced negative emotions in a range of patients, and more specifically, have been shown to reduce levels of anxiety in women undergoing fertility treatment.3 They are a good option because they can be practised almost anywhere and at little or no cost.

2. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)

CBT is a form of psychotherapy (‘talking therapy’) that focuses on how our thoughts influence how we feel and what we do. It involves helping the patient to recognise negative and often repetitive thought patterns like “I can’t have a baby” or “It’s my fault that we aren’t conceiving”, and challenging them. In doing so, it encourages the individual to assess how realistic or rational their thoughts are, to be aware of the impact their thoughts may be having on how they are feeling, and to try and replace these thoughts with more helpful, positive ways of thinking. CBT may not directly change your ability to conceive but it may help to improve your perspective on the challenges you are facing and your overall outlook – thereby reducing stress and anxiety.4

3. Mindfulness

Mindfulness refers to a state in which we are able to maintain a very clear focus on our present thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment. It teaches us to be ‘in the moment’, so that we are less overwhelmed by past experiences and future concerns. A recent study demonstrated higher rates of pregnancy with IVF when women practised mindfulness, compared to those who did not.5  There is also strong evidence that mindfulness-based stress reduction can lower the levels of stress hormones in our body, and that being ‘more present’ can help a woman to better frame and process her experiences with fertility treatment.6

4. Social support

Infertility is often a silent struggle and despite its prevalence, many women choose not to share their story with friends or family. If you are experiencing this, it can be helpful to identify someone who can empathise with you and provide a healthy outlet for any confusion and sadness you may be feeling. Social support has been found to be particularly helpful in cases where women are feeling isolated as a result of their infertility. There are now also many organised groups where people with fertility issues can come together to discuss and share their experiences, including face-to-face groups, peer support programs and online discussion forums. There is good evidence that participating in support groups can reduce distress and anxiety, improving both your quality of life and chances of pregnancy.3

5. Exercise

It is well recognised that physical activity can reap huge emotional benefits through the release of ‘feel-good’ hormones called endorphins. These hormones can act as both a pain reliever and happiness booster. Australian guidelines recommend at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity physical activity, such as walking or dancing, on most days of the week. If possible, some vigorous exercise, like cycling or running, should be performed at least once a week. Research into the effects of exercise on fertility has found that moderate exercise decreases the risk of miscarriage and increases the chances of conceiving in women undergoing assisted reproductive technology.7 Vigorous exercise has also been shown to reduce the risk of ovulation problems.7 Regular exercise can also lead to weight loss, which can help improve fertility if you are carrying extra weight.8

In conclusion, while further research is clearly needed in this area, using mind-body techniques throughout your fertility journey can certainly contribute to your physical and mental wellbeing as you strive to become pregnant. Here at Newlife IVF, we aim to provide individuals and couples with a genuinely supportive experience as they undergo fertility treatment. Our class-leading IVF counsellors are also available to meet with patients 1:1 and/or in organised group sessions over the course of their treatment journey. To make an appointment with one of our fertility specialists or to get a second opinion, call Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933. Alternatively, you can book online via our appointments page.

References

  1. Lakatos E et al. BMC Womens Health2017;17:48.
  2. Cwikel J et al. Eur J Obstet Gynecol Reprod Biol2004;117:126–131.
  3. Domar AD et al.Health Psychol 2000;19:568–575.
  4. Faramarzi et al. Int J Fertil Steril 2013;7:199–206.
  5. Li J et al.Behav Res Ther 2016;77:96–104.
  6. Nery SF et al. Stress Health2019;35:49–58.
  7. Homan G, Norman RJ Hum Reprod2012;27:2396–2404.
  8. Best D et al. Hum Reprod Update 2017;26(6):681–705.

 

Tips to optimise your fertility and prepare for pregnancy

Written by

Diet

A diet low in sugar, processed carbohydrates and trans-fats will improve your fertility by supporting regular ovulation. The best way to achieve this is by eating wholesome, non-processed foods. Cutting out sugary drinks is also a great strategy to reduce the amount of sugar in your diet. On top of this, we recommend that you increase your level of omega-3 by consuming flaxseed, fish oil, salmon, sardines or walnuts.

Exercise

The benefits of regular exercise on health and overall well-being are well known. As such, it’s hardly surprising that regular exercise can boost your fertility. We recommend 45 minutes of exercise 3–4 times a week, with weight training or high-impact interval training particularly beneficial. Ultimately though, find something that works for you. Of course, balance is critical – overdoing the exercise can make your menstrual cycle irregular and make it harder for you to get pregnant.

Exercise

Weight

Ideally, women should strive to maintain a healthy weight, with a BMI between 18.5–25 kg/m2. Outside of these limits, studies have demonstrated a decrease in spontaneous pregnancy rates and increased time to pregnancy. As an added incentive, maintaining a healthy weight during pregnancy also provides benefits for you and your baby. You can calculate your BMI using this handy online calculator.

Stress

Through its influence on hormones, persistently high stress levels may hinder your chances of becoming pregnant. At the same time, there’s no denying that the struggle to conceive can be emotionally taxing. It’s a vicious cycle that may sometimes be hard to break. Try incorporating activities into your routine that lower stress, such as mindfulness, yoga and counselling. Ensuring a nutritious diet, adequate exercise and a decent night’s sleep can also do wonders for your mental well-being. Perhaps most importantly, ensure you have supportive people around you throughout your fertility journey.

Caffeine

Don’t panic, you don’t need to cut out caffeine completely. However, it is thought that excessive caffeine consumption can reduce fertility. We recommend you limit yourself to one cup of coffee per day (a hard ask for some, we know).

A good night’s sleep

The relationship between sleep and fertility is not completely understood. However, recent studies suggest that regularly getting 7–8 hours of sleep each night is the optimum amount required to boost your fertility.

Smoking

Exposure to smoke (through smoking or second-hand smoke) makes it more difficult to become pregnant. Smoke can harm your eggs, disrupt the journey of a fertilised egg to the womb and change the level of hormones responsible for normal fertility. Furthermore, it can increase the chances of you miscarrying or giving birth prematurely. Men don’t get off scot-free either; smoking reduces their fertility too. On the bright side, these effects are reversed within a year of quitting. So, if ever there was a time to quit, it’s now.

Alcohol

No safe level of alcohol consumption has been established during pregnancy. Most women know that abstinence throughout pregnancy is important. However, what’s less commonly known is that heavy drinking can negatively impact your fertility. Studies show that women who consume a lot of alcohol take longer to get pregnant, and couples who do not drink during IVF treatment have more favourable outcomes than those who do drink.

Ultimately, if you’re planning a pregnancy, cutting out alcohol is the best option.

Review your medications

Certain medications may reduce your fertility. Your fertility specialist can advise whether this may be applicable to any medications you are taking.

Folate and multivitamins

While these don’t actually affect your fertility, they are very important in ensuring the healthy development of your baby early in pregnancy. In particular, adequate levels of folate can prevent deformities in your baby’s brain and spinal cord. Folate is present in a variety of foods and can also be taken in a pregnancy multi-vitamin. We recommend a taking good-quality pregnancy multi-vitamin when you’re trying to conceive and throughout the first trimester of your pregnancy.

Learn how to optimise your fertility

To meet with one of our fertility specialists and learn more about how you could improve your fertility, call Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933 or book online via our appointments page.