Building resilience during IVF – how to cope with the highs and lows

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Building emotional resilience can help you manage these emotions, recover from setbacks and cope with life’s difficulties and uncertainties.

What is resilience?

‘Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.’1

Being resilient does not mean avoiding feelings of stress or emotional pain – rather, it is adapting to difficult or unexpected circumstances and bouncing back from the experience.

Resilience improves your wellbeing

Concerning fertility, research has shown that higher levels of resilience among couples struggling with fertility are associated with enhanced quality of life and emotional stability, as well as lower fertility-related distress.2
Beyond helping you cope during fertility treatment, building resilience can have a positive impact on your overall health and wellbeing, leading to3:

  • Fewer depressive symptoms
  • Improved adaptation to stress
  • Enhanced ability to cope during distressing experiences
  • Improved physical health.

Practices to build your resilience

Like progressively strengthening a muscle, you can learn to become more resilient to life’s challenges over time. Here are some examples that may help.

Grow supportive connections Cropped shot of two young women embracing each other

Drawing on the support of those around you, including your partner (where applicable), family or friends, can help share the emotional load of your experience as you continue with your fertility treatment.4 Help is a two-way street – in addition to accepting help, supporting your loved ones through difficult moments can help you feel connected to others while giving you a sense of satisfaction, in turn strengthening your resilience. Small and simple gestures like checking in with a friend or lending an empathetic ear while others are dealing with stress can also distract you from an inward focus where you feel stuck in your own problems.

Manage uncertainty

During fertility counselling sessions, we often dive into how to navigate feelings of uncertainty and lack of control that can be experienced during fertility treatment. This is because learning how to accept uncertainty – not just during fertility treatment but throughout life in general – can help develop resilience.

But merely accepting the unpredictability and ‘unknowns’ of your fertility care is not an easy thing to do, which is why we recommend practising mindfulness. Instead of latching onto feelings of uncertainty when these thoughts arise, acknowledge their existence and try to move through these feelings. This is one of the hardest things to do, so be kind to yourself while you work on this.

Set small, achievable goals

The pride and sense of accomplishment you feel when achieving a goal is motivating and energising, helping you to feel more optimistic. Research has shown that breaking down your overarching goal into smaller short-term goals can help reframe your mindset while also relieving feelings of disappointment after a negative fertility treatment cycle.4

So ensuring that your goals are achievable is a great way to build resilience. In this instance, the importance is not the goal itself but the process of setting small goals and noticing your progress.

Break down each step in your fertility treatment cycle into mini-goals – this might include taking your hormone injections each day, completing your blood tests and scans, having your embryo transfer or intrauterine insemination procedure, or getting through each day of the two-week wait before finding out whether the treatment resulted in the outcome you were hoping for.

Sprinkle in some joy

There can be moments of sadness and loss when trying to conceive, which can make it harder to appreciate other joys in life, particularly if your fertility journey is regularly on your mind (as it’s very easy for treatment to become a sole focus).

Try to maintain some ‘normality’ in your life by engaging in activities that bring you joy.4 Humour is also effective in helping to develop a more resilient nature, so exploring activities that make you laugh while giving you a break from treatment can help you stay connected to day-to-day life.

Take the time to reflect

Think back on obstacles that you have previously overcome and recognise that you have already been developing resilience over the years, perhaps without knowing it. Reflect on past situations that have caused you stress, grief or trauma and ask yourself:

  • What worked in helping you to cope during these times?
  • What didn’t work well?
  • Who were the best people to help you at those times?

Take these learnings with you on your fertility journey and draw on them when working through any disappointing or unexpected outcomes.

Connect with our supportive counselling team

Our compassionate Newlife IVF counsellors are here to guide you through every step of your journey.

At Newlife IVF, we are committed to supporting our patients the best we can, which includes providing you with additional counselling sessions at no extra cost. To book an appointment with one of our counsellors, call (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected]. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to consult with you over the phone so you don’t have to take time off work.

We also offer our TLC group support sessions to help you overcome feelings of isolation during treatment and improve your connection with others. Please email [email protected] for upcoming meetings.

Remember, you have made it through rough times before. You’ve got this.

References

  1. American Psychological Association. Building your resilience. American Psychological Association. 2020. Accessed 20249. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience ↩
  2. Herrmann D, Scherg H, Verres R et al. Resilience in infertile couples acts as a protective factor against infertility-specific distress and impaired quality of life. J Assist Reprod Genet. 2011;28(11):1111–1117. doi:10.1007/s10815-011-9637-2 ↩
  3. Quyen G, Vandelanotte C, Cope K, et al. The association of resilience with depression, anxiety, stress and physical activity during the COVID-19 pandemic. BMC Public Health. 2022;22. ↩
  4. Bailey A, Ellis-Caird H, Croft C. Living through unsuccessful conception attempts: a grounded theory of resilience among women undergoing fertility treatment. J Reprod Infant Psychol. 2017 Sep;35(4),324–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2017.1320366 ↩ ↩ ↩

Taking time to prepare for Mother’s Day

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Many on their TTC (trying to conceive) journey feel a sense of obligation or pressure to attend events or visit family on Mother’s Day, which can cause conflicting feelings. If you suspect this day may trigger unwanted emotions, consider limiting your time at these events. Sticking to a planned arrival and departure time or shortening the window of time spent with your family are ways to implement this.

While it’s human nature to want to ‘show up‘ for others, particularly family, prioritising the needs and happiness of others over your own can be incredibly challenging. Remember, there is a difference between practising self-care and being selfish – and you are allowed to prioritise care and kindness to yourself on this day.

Be proactive

Plan ahead with strategies to help you manage the day. For some, it will be helpful to connect with family and focus on the mother figures in their lives. If this is the case, planning your usual Mother’s Day traditions is the way to go. However, for others, this may be too painful or triggering – it’s okay to say no to events that may cause you grief and sadness.

Additionally, choosing to view things from a different perspective or focus may also be beneficial and help you feel empowered throughout the day. Consider tuning out the emphasis on celebrating Mother’s Day entirely and, instead, viewing the day as an opportunity to have fun together as a couple or, if you’re single, with your friends or support network. Pick somewhere to go where you are less likely to be surrounded by children or think of activities you can do at home. For example, you could go for a hike or bike ride, view that movie you’ve wanted to see or make a nice meal at home.

Communicate

Talk to people in your support network about how you are feeling. Having your emotions acknowledged and validated (particularly if they are mixed or painful) can feel very supportive. Discuss how you might navigate the day with your partner or a close friend, and if you are seeing family or friends, speak to them about what your needs might be. Most people prefer to be guided by you about the specific support you require, as they often feel stuck or unsure about what to say or do.

If you are supporting someone going through fertility treatment, you could approach them and check how they are managing in the lead-up to Mother’s Day and see what they would like to do on the day. By reaching out first, you can help take away any anxiety your loved one might be feeling about raising this topic themselves.

Social media and advertising

On Mother’s Day, our social media feeds are full of people sharing photos of family events, their mothers and their children. And at this time of year, advertisements on social media, television and in retail stores can be a constant reminder of your own infertility journey. Keep in mind that you may see this messaging when you go shopping, listen to the radio or watch TV.

While it’s difficult to avoid entirely, there are some ways you can lessen the amount of social media posts and advertising you are confronted with. Consider opting out or unsubscribing from emails sent by retail companies. It can also be helpful to have a media detox on the day and avoid social media or news outlets so that you can limit the messaging you see.

A helping hand

Remember that our counsellors are here to provide you with support, so please reach out to the team if you would like to talk. Whatever you are feeling in the lead-up to this day is valid and ok. We are thinking of you and send our best wishes.

Infertility and the festive season – your guide to coping

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For some, the end of the year can also symbolise another year passed without achieving their family goals. It’s common for people undergoing fertility treatment to feel overwhelmed at the thought of socialising with others while navigating these thoughts and feelings – particularly as this time of year intertwines festive traditions with social commitments involving friends, family and colleagues.

Rest assured that it’s OK if you’re not feeling the festive vibe this year. While you may feel bound to your social calendar, take some pressure off by reminding yourself that these plans are not set in stone (even those considered a tradition!). In fact, if recent years have taught us anything, we’ve learned that plans can change.

Prioritise your own needs and feelings this holiday season. Rather than stretching yourself thin to meet the needs and expectations of others, commit to events and catch-ups on your own terms – or not at all if you’d prefer. Below are some small steps that may help you navigate this.

Negotiate this time of year with family and friends

Finding the courage to turn down events can be difficult. In these instances, you may benefit from taking a softer approach. Instead of overtly saying you can’t attend an event, take a practical stance when responding. ‘Sorry, that plan doesn’t suit me’ is a perfectly acceptable answer when declining an invitation.

Preparing for social gatherings

Be consciously selective about what you agree to – whether attending a social occasion, preparing food or buying gifts. If you choose to be present at a social gathering, consider how long you’d like to stay there. Perhaps popping in for a brief catch-up before excusing yourself is an ideal option.

It’s also worth thinking of tactics to help minimise feelings of stress or discomfort while there. For example, keeping yourself busy and distracted by helping the host with the cooking or cleaning may relieve you from topics of conversation you’d prefer not to partake in.

Communicate that you’re having a tough time. Doing so doesn’t necessarily mean disclosing information about your fertility journey. Rather, consider using more general references to having a stressful or difficult year. Prefacing this may also help your host understand your situation without feeling offended that you’ve declined their invitation or have chosen to leave their gathering early.

It can also be a good idea to prepare a code word or a signal to give your partner or support person when you need them to rescue you from a difficult conversation or when you want to go home. For an efficient exit strategy, have a mode of transport conveniently waiting in the wings, such as your own car or a pre-booked ride service.

You do you

Celebrate how you want! Allow yourself to commemorate the festive season in a way that is comfortable and meaningful to you. Perhaps a trip away with your partner or a friend aligns with your needs more than attending a big family gathering. Staying home is also an option. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that it brings you joy, even if only a little.

R&R is just what the doctor ordered

Use this holiday period to rest, relax and recharge while you take a break from treatment. Take advantage of your time off work to prioritise self-care. For instance, schedule a relaxing massage appointment, escape the city for a few days, plan some day trips to the beach or countryside, or simply curl up with a good book.

Pause and reflect

Take some time to reflect on your fertility journey so far, along with your plans for next year. Some prompts you can use include:

  • Is there anything you could do differently next year?
  • What are your expectations, and do you need to adjust these at all?
  • Do you have questions to discuss with your fertility specialist?

Conscious consideration of your journey so far allows you to sort through your observations and determine if there’s a better way of improving your experience. It also helps to break down big decisions into more manageable chunks, which can help you feel more in control and aid future decision-making.

Reach out for help

Reach out for support when you need help working through uncomfortable feelings as they arise. This could be from your partner (if you have one), a family member or a friend. Be open and honest with your networks about how you feel and how they can best support you.

Acknowledge that this time of year can trigger unwanted emotions and that it’s OK to feel the way you do, whatever that may be. We all cope in different ways. So do whatever is needed to keep your heart, mind and body strong for the coming year – and above all else, be kind to yourself!

Lastly, remember that the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help you navigate and unpack your experiences and emotions, so please reach out to us if you would like to talk. Call the Newlife IVF team on (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected].

Unexplained infertility – how do we fix it if we don’t know what’s wrong?

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Now that you have the diagnosis, you may be left feeling confused, or even worried, about what unexplained infertility means for your chances of having a baby. If we don’t know exactly what’s wrong, how can we fix the problem and give you the best chance of having the family you long for?

Unexplained infertility explained

A diagnosis of unexplained infertility is made when a woman or couple has been unsuccessfully trying for a baby for 12 months or more and all common causes of infertility in both partners have been ruled out. While it’s not clear how many Australians experience unexplained infertility, it is estimated to affect somewhere between 8 and 28% of infertile couples worldwide.1

Unexplained infertility is a diagnosis of exclusion. This means it can only be given once all conventional fertility tests have returned normal results. For the female partner, these tests may include hormone levels and other examinations to check how her ovaries are functioning and to exclude disorders such as polycystic ovarian syndrome. Scans or other procedures to check for problems in the uterus (womb) or blockages in the fallopian tubes may also be recommended. In addition, keyhole surgery to diagnose endometriosis may be performed.

To investigate causes of male infertility, semen analysis to look at the number, motility, size and shape of sperm is usually carried out. Examinations, scans or other tests to look for problems with the testicles or the ducts through which sperm travels (blockages, for example) may be recommended. A fertility specialist may also check for hormonal imbalances or infections that may affect the male partner’s fertility.

If genetic problems are suspected, tests such as karyotype testing (a blood test) may be performed for one or both partners.

Women and couples will usually go through a comprehensive testing process before they are diagnosed with unexplained infertility. However, a fertility specialist may sometimes decide that performing certain tests carries more potential risks than benefits. In these cases, even though all available tests have not been carried out, a diagnosis of unexplained infertility is still possible.

Does unexplained infertility mean nothing is wrong?

A lot has to happen in order to make a baby; it is a complex process in which there is quite a lot of room for error. Both eggs and sperm must be healthy and physically able to meet (that is, the fallopian tubes and sperm-carrying ducts mustn’t be blocked). The sperm must be able to enter the egg to fertilise it, and the fertilised egg must implant into the lining of the uterus and develop into an embryo. Even in people without any fertility problems, the chance of achieving pregnancy each month is nowhere near 100% – rather, it’s between 15 and 25%. This goes to show that getting pregnant is no simple feat. Further, the complexity of what’s involved means that we simply cannot test for every potential problem that can occur.

It’s important for you to know that a diagnosis of unexplained infertility does not mean ‘nothing’s wrong’. Rather, it means that no currently available test can pinpoint the specific cause of your struggle. In other words, what you’re going through is real, we just can’t determine exactly what’s causing it.

So, if it’s not possible to find out what’s wrong, how can we fix it? Here’s the great news: even though we don’t know the exact cause of the problem, there are still treatments that can increase your chances of having a baby.

Unexplained infertility treatment

Below we explain the most common treatments offered to couples struggling with unexplained fertility. Because a woman’s ability to conceive naturally declines with age, women in their late 30s or 40s may be advised to commence in vitro fertilisation (IVF) without trying any other treatments.

Expectant management

In some cases, simply getting support and guidance to continue to try to conceive naturally may be sufficient. This can be done while working to improve your health if necessary. For example, losing excess weight, quitting smoking, and reducing alcohol consumption may be appropriate goals to work towards. This is known as expectant management, and for some people, it is enough to lead to a pregnancy. It is also the most cost-effective option, so if a woman is young and has a good ovarian reserve (that is, a good number of eggs left), it may represent the most appropriate treatment. More active treatments may be recommended for older women.

Intrauterine insemination (IUI)

In this procedure, washed, concentrated sperm from the male partner (or a donor) is injected directly into the uterus. This ensures that a very large number of the highest quality sperm from the sample is injected, increasing the chances of the egg and sperm meeting. IUI is useful in unexplained infertility because it sidesteps any potential problems that may prevent the sperm from entering the uterus naturally. In many cases, IUI is combined with low dose ovulation induction so that two eggs are released at a time instead of one, to further increase the chances of fertilisation.

IUI is a relatively inexpensive intervention that is often used before IVF is considered. It has a pregnancy rate per cycle of between 8 and 15%. However, the benefit is smaller for older women, with a pregnancy rate of 5% in women over 40. As a result, IVF is more likely to be recommended for this age group.

Tubal flushing

Tubal flushing is used to assess blockages in the fallopian tubes. However, it does appear to increase pregnancy rates and thus, may also be used as a dedicated fertility treatment.

In this procedure, a tube is placed through the woman’s cervix, and a water or oil-based solution is flushed into the uterus. The solution then travels through the fallopian tubes, ‘flushing’ them out. When tubal flushing is used on its own, you will be advised to try to conceive naturally in the months following the procedure. However, tubal flushing can also be performed in preparation for IUI. This ensures that no blockages prevent the egg from travelling to the uterus to meet with the injected sperm.

IVF

IVF bypasses many potential problems related to the fertilisation process by starting the process outside the womb. In IVF, a number of the female partner’s eggs (or donor eggs) are mixed with sperm in a laboratory dish.

There are two ways this mixing process may be carried out. In standard insemination, the ‘fittest’ of the thousands of sperm in a sample will fertilise the egg, as would occur in a natural pregnancy. If sperm abnormalities are suspected, or sperm count is low, intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI) may be performed. This is where the best sperm is chosen and injected directly into the egg.

Once the fertilised eggs have developed into embryos in a special incubator, one of the healthiest embryos will be transferred into the uterus. In ten days, a blood test is performed to check for pregnancy.

For every 100 IVF treatment cycles that are started, 18 babies are born.2 However, IVF success rates vary according to factors such as the woman’s age. Your fertility specialist can advise you on the chances of pregnancy in your case.

Where to next?

If you are ready to explore your options for having a baby, make an appointment with a Newlife IVF fertility specialist by calling (03) 8080 8933 or by booking online. We will assess your specific circumstances and help you make a decision about the best path forward. Our specialist counsellors are also available to help you manage the unsettling emotions that can accompany a diagnosis of unexplained infertility.

  1. Gelbaya TA, Potdar N, Jeve YB, Nardo LG. Definition and epidemiology of unexplained infertility. Obstet Gynecol Surv. 2014;69(2):109‐115. doi:10.1097/OGX.0000000000000043 ↩︎
  2. Australian & New Zealand Assisted Reproduction Database (ANZARD). Assisted Reproductive Technology in Australia & New Zealand 2017 (report). Available at https://npesu.unsw.edu.au. Last accessed 16 June 2020. ↩︎