Navigating infertility and fertility treatment is an emotional journey for many, triggering feelings such as grief, stress and disappointment during various stages of the treatment cycle. Despite this, many people choose to push through and continue their fertility treatment – overcoming challenges and bouncing back throughout their fertility journey despite the hardships they have endured.
Building emotional resilience can help you manage these emotions, recover from setbacks and cope with life’s difficulties and uncertainties.
What is resilience?
‘Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.’1
Being resilient does not mean avoiding feelings of stress or emotional pain – rather, it is adapting to difficult or unexpected circumstances and bouncing back from the experience.
Resilience improves your wellbeing
Concerning fertility, research has shown that higher levels of resilience among couples struggling with fertility are associated with enhanced quality of life and emotional stability, as well as lower fertility-related distress.2
Beyond helping you cope during fertility treatment, building resilience can have a positive impact on your overall health and wellbeing, leading to3:
Fewer depressive symptoms
Improved adaptation to stress
Enhanced ability to cope during distressing experiences
Improved physical health.
Practices to build your resilience
Like progressively strengthening a muscle, you can learn to become more resilient to life’s challenges over time. Here are some examples that may help.
Grow supportive connections
Drawing on the support of those around you, including your partner (where applicable), family or friends, can help share the emotional load of your experience as you continue with your fertility treatment.4 Help is a two-way street – in addition to accepting help, supporting your loved ones through difficult moments can help you feel connected to others while giving you a sense of satisfaction, in turn strengthening your resilience. Small and simple gestures like checking in with a friend or lending an empathetic ear while others are dealing with stress can also distract you from an inward focus where you feel stuck in your own problems.
Manage uncertainty
During fertility counselling sessions, we often dive into how to navigate feelings of uncertainty and lack of control that can be experienced during fertility treatment. This is because learning how to accept uncertainty – not just during fertility treatment but throughout life in general – can help develop resilience.
But merely accepting the unpredictability and ‘unknowns’ of your fertility care is not an easy thing to do, which is why we recommend practising mindfulness. Instead of latching onto feelings of uncertainty when these thoughts arise, acknowledge their existence and try to move through these feelings. This is one of the hardest things to do, so be kind to yourself while you work on this.
Set small, achievable goals
The pride and sense of accomplishment you feel when achieving a goal is motivating and energising, helping you to feel more optimistic. Research has shown that breaking down your overarching goal into smaller short-term goals can help reframe your mindset while also relieving feelings of disappointment after a negative fertility treatment cycle.4
So ensuring that your goals are achievable is a great way to build resilience. In this instance, the importance is not the goal itself but the process of setting small goals and noticing your progress.
Break down each step in your fertility treatment cycle into mini-goals – this might include taking your hormone injections each day, completing your blood tests and scans, having your embryo transfer or intrauterine insemination procedure, or getting through each day of the two-week wait before finding out whether the treatment resulted in the outcome you were hoping for.
Sprinkle in some joy
There can be moments of sadness and loss when trying to conceive, which can make it harder to appreciate other joys in life, particularly if your fertility journey is regularly on your mind (as it’s very easy for treatment to become a sole focus).
Try to maintain some ‘normality’ in your life by engaging in activities that bring you joy.4 Humour is also effective in helping to develop a more resilient nature, so exploring activities that make you laugh while giving you a break from treatment can help you stay connected to day-to-day life.
Take the time to reflect
Think back on obstacles that you have previously overcome and recognise that you have already been developing resilience over the years, perhaps without knowing it. Reflect on past situations that have caused you stress, grief or trauma and ask yourself:
What worked in helping you to cope during these times?
What didn’t work well?
Who were the best people to help you at those times?
Take these learnings with you on your fertility journey and draw on them when working through any disappointing or unexpected outcomes.
Connect with our supportive counselling team
Our compassionate Newlife IVF counsellors are here to guide you through every step of your journey.
At Newlife IVF, we are committed to supporting our patients the best we can, which includes providing you with additional counselling sessions at no extra cost. To book an appointment with one of our counsellors, call (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected]. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to consult with you over the phone so you don’t have to take time off work.
We also offer our TLC group support sessions to help you overcome feelings of isolation during treatment and improve your connection with others. Please email [email protected] for upcoming meetings.
Remember, you have made it through rough times before. You’ve got this.
References
American Psychological Association. Building your resilience. American Psychological Association. 2020. Accessed 20249. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience ↩
Herrmann D, Scherg H, Verres R et al. Resilience in infertile couples acts as a protective factor against infertility-specific distress and impaired quality of life. J Assist Reprod Genet. 2011;28(11):1111–1117. doi:10.1007/s10815-011-9637-2 ↩
Quyen G, Vandelanotte C, Cope K, et al. The association of resilience with depression, anxiety, stress and physical activity during the COVID-19 pandemic. BMC Public Health. 2022;22. ↩
Bailey A, Ellis-Caird H, Croft C. Living through unsuccessful conception attempts: a grounded theory of resilience among women undergoing fertility treatment. J Reprod Infant Psychol. 2017 Sep;35(4),324–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2017.1320366 ↩↩↩
The information on this page is general in nature. All medical and surgical procedures have potential benefits and risks. Consult your healthcare professional for medical advice specific to you.
