Balancing work and fertility treatment

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For instance, it can feel overwhelming when you have to manage multiple appointments – including tests, scans and procedures – alongside a busy work schedule. Below, we explore common patient experiences when navigating a career as well as fertility treatment, along with advice from our counsellors to help you manage this balancing act.

To tell or not to tell

Some people find it easier to communicate with their workplace manager about their upcoming fertility treatment so that they can negotiate time off or flexible working arrangements when beginning a treatment cycle. Being upfront and open about what is required of you throughout your fertility treatment journey can help you and your manager plan around the quantity of work you can do, along with arrangements to suit your treatment schedule, such as reduced travel, flexible hours or the option to work from home if needed.

Unfortunately, there are instances where workplaces are not supportive of their employees, and women choose to withhold their family-building plans from their workplace for fear of discrimination or missing out on opportunities due to future pregnancy. If you elect not to disclose your fertility treatment with your workplace, have a plan in place to help you manage your scheduled appointments, including time off work for your procedures. Without going into the specific details, you may consider disclosing that you are ‘having a medical procedure’ and leave it at that.

Managing questions

Having your colleagues ask questions about your fertility or why you’ve had time off lately is a common experience for many of our patients. Some people are inherently curious about your family-building plans even though it isn’t necessarily their business. Just as you may be doing with family and friends, you might consider having a plan to manage these questions. For instance, coming up with some standard responses can be a good trick to have up your sleeve so that you can reply promptly and nip that curiosity in the bud.

If you’ve already opened up to others about your infertility, you might find yourself fielding questions. For instance, there may be interest about when you’re starting treatment or how far along you are in your treatment cycle, along with how you’re feeling and whether you’re pregnant yet. While these questions are often well-intended and come from a good place, sometimes they are misplaced or poorly timed.

If you have told others about your fertility treatment journey, consider setting boundaries with them from the start – let them know that you will update them when you have news or need their support, and kindly ask them to give you space during this time. For many patients, the workplace can serve as a place to remain busy and distracted, so being interrupted with questions related to your fertility treatment can impinge on your ability to distract yourself.

Should I take leave?

Patients often ask us for advice on whether they should take a few days or weeks off work during their treatment. In our experience, this decision is highly individual and often determined by whether it is financially viable for you to do so or if you have enough annual leave accrued to facilitate this.

During our counselling sessions, we also discuss whether it is helpful to maintain a normal routine. On one hand, sticking to your routine can give you a sense of normalcy and preserve your emotional health and wellbeing. Meanwhile, extended leave from work may leave you feeling like you have too much time on your hands, causing you to ruminate on your treatment. On the other hand, if you find that work is exacerbating your distress about your fertility journey, perhaps it’s worth considering a few days of planned leave or working from home during the more stressful periods of your treatment cycle.

We generally advise patients to take a day off work on the day of egg collection (and likely the next day). While there is a lesser need to do so for intrauterine insemination (IUI) and embryo transfers, it can be an opportunity for you to have a day off to do something enjoyable and celebrate. After all, you may have just made a baby! Taking sick leave for these days is how most patients manage their treatment, and you will be given a medical certificate on the day of your procedure to accommodate this.

Self-care at work

Some patients have found that they are less engaged and ‘switched on’ at work while undertaking fertility treatment or that they are falling short of their usual high standards. In these instances, it’s important to remind yourself that your medications (which mimic your body’s hormones) and the potential stress of fertility issues can affect how you function at work. You also may find that your focus shifts away from work and towards the practical and emotional demands of fertility treatment.

Making your work a lesser priority can feel strange and uncomfortable, particularly if you have a strong work ethic. It may take some time to adjust to these new feelings, so be kind to yourself in this space – and be mindful of the pressure you place on yourself at work. Consider lowering the expectations you have for yourself. You don’t always need to function at 100% capacity.

You may find that telling a trusted colleague about your treatment can help provide you with emotional support and practical help when dealing with these feelings. Perhaps even consider devising strategies for when you’re feeling under pressure, such as leaving your office for a walk, practising mindfulness or breathing exercises, talking to your support person or a friend, or even leaving work early.

Our counselling team is here to help

The Newlife IVF counsellors are very experienced in providing support during and after IVF treatment. If you would like to book an appointment with one of our counsellors, please do not hesitate to contact us. You can reach our team by calling (03) 8080 8933. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to talk with you over the phone, so you don’t have to take more time off work.

Taking time to prepare for Mother’s Day

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Many on their TTC (trying to conceive) journey feel a sense of obligation or pressure to attend events or visit family on Mother’s Day, which can cause conflicting feelings. If you suspect this day may trigger unwanted emotions, consider limiting your time at these events. Sticking to a planned arrival and departure time or shortening the window of time spent with your family are ways to implement this.

While it’s human nature to want to ‘show up‘ for others, particularly family, prioritising the needs and happiness of others over your own can be incredibly challenging. Remember, there is a difference between practising self-care and being selfish – and you are allowed to prioritise care and kindness to yourself on this day.

Be proactive

Plan ahead with strategies to help you manage the day. For some, it will be helpful to connect with family and focus on the mother figures in their lives. If this is the case, planning your usual Mother’s Day traditions is the way to go. However, for others, this may be too painful or triggering – it’s okay to say no to events that may cause you grief and sadness.

Additionally, choosing to view things from a different perspective or focus may also be beneficial and help you feel empowered throughout the day. Consider tuning out the emphasis on celebrating Mother’s Day entirely and, instead, viewing the day as an opportunity to have fun together as a couple or, if you’re single, with your friends or support network. Pick somewhere to go where you are less likely to be surrounded by children or think of activities you can do at home. For example, you could go for a hike or bike ride, view that movie you’ve wanted to see or make a nice meal at home.

Communicate

Talk to people in your support network about how you are feeling. Having your emotions acknowledged and validated (particularly if they are mixed or painful) can feel very supportive. Discuss how you might navigate the day with your partner or a close friend, and if you are seeing family or friends, speak to them about what your needs might be. Most people prefer to be guided by you about the specific support you require, as they often feel stuck or unsure about what to say or do.

If you are supporting someone going through fertility treatment, you could approach them and check how they are managing in the lead-up to Mother’s Day and see what they would like to do on the day. By reaching out first, you can help take away any anxiety your loved one might be feeling about raising this topic themselves.

Social media and advertising

On Mother’s Day, our social media feeds are full of people sharing photos of family events, their mothers and their children. And at this time of year, advertisements on social media, television and in retail stores can be a constant reminder of your own infertility journey. Keep in mind that you may see this messaging when you go shopping, listen to the radio or watch TV.

While it’s difficult to avoid entirely, there are some ways you can lessen the amount of social media posts and advertising you are confronted with. Consider opting out or unsubscribing from emails sent by retail companies. It can also be helpful to have a media detox on the day and avoid social media or news outlets so that you can limit the messaging you see.

A helping hand

Remember that our counsellors are here to provide you with support, so please reach out to the team if you would like to talk. Whatever you are feeling in the lead-up to this day is valid and ok. We are thinking of you and send our best wishes.