Using natural therapies in combination with fertility treatment

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Naturopathy

Naturopathy takes a holistic approach to your wellbeing and focuses on treatments that support your body to heal itself. A naturopath may recommend a combination of therapies such as herbal remedies, nutritional supplements, and diet and lifestyle advice.

Some evidence suggests that a holistic, naturopathic approach to care can benefit aspects of reproductive health. For example, a study in overweight women with polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) compared the combined effects of herbal supplementation and lifestyle changes with lifestyle changes alone.1 While the combination was not shown to specifically increase conception rates, it did improve other markers of fertility like menstrual cycle regularity (which can support ovulation) and enhanced mental wellbeing scores for depression.1

Herbal remedies

Herbal remedies are commonly used in naturopathy and include plants or parts of a plant – such as roots, flowers, bark, seeds and stems – that are often made into pills, teas or ointments for convenient consumption.

Simple acts like drinking a mug of herbal tea or using moisturisers infused with flower essences can relieve stress and create a sense of inner peace. And specifically regarding gynaecological findings, some herbal therapies have shown benefits. For instance, a study assessing the use of clomiphene (a medication that supports ovulation) combined with black cohosh supplementation in women with subfertility demonstrated increased endometrial thickness and improved hormone profiles.2 Theoretically, this can improve the chances of conception by creating a more receptive uterine environment for embryo implantation.2 However, the study findings did not specifically show an increase in pregnancy rates.2 If you would like to try a herbal remedy, keep in mind that they can affect your fertility treatment medications, so it’s essential to check if a herb is safe with your fertility specialist first.

Acupuncture

Acupuncture is a Chinese medicine practice in which thin needles are inserted into the skin at select acupuncture points. These acupuncture points mark lines of energy flow (called meridians) within the body, and the insertion of acupuncture needles at these points is intended to stimulate this energy flow.

There is limited evidence showing that acupuncture enhances fertility. However, patients may find acupuncture beneficial for stress reduction3 and overall emotional wellbeing.4

Mind-body practices

Mind-body practices are centred on the belief that your mindset can influence your health. Some mind-body practices include mindfulness meditation, yoga, music therapy, hypnosis, art therapy, aromatherapy, guided imagery and cognitive behavioural therapy.

Mindfulness meditation

A female in casual clothes performing mindfulness meditation with her eyes closed while seated on a bed next to window.

Mindfulness meditation is a type of meditation that teaches you to become more aware of what you are thinking and feeling. Over time, mindfulness meditation can help you experience each moment with more compassion and less expectation – which may help ease the highs and lows of your fertility journey.

Research has linked mindfulness meditation with fewer difficult emotions, such as depression and stress, and less rumination, which can help you bounce back more easily from the highs and lows of your fertility journey.5

Yoga

Yoga is an ancient Indian mind-body practice that guides you through various postures and stretches. There are multiple styles of yoga, from gentle movements to more physically challenging practices. However, all yoga practices are a form of mindful movement.

The focus on flowing through physical motions and synchronising your movements with your breath can help you reconnect with your body and take a step back from the thoughts passing through your mind. This was evident in a six-week yoga program for women who were waiting for IVF treatment, where yoga was associated with fewer negative thoughts and feelings about fertility and an improved sense of wellbeing.6

Reflexology

Reflexology is a form of massage for the feet, hands and ears, where pressure is applied to select points that are believed to be linked to the function of broader body parts. By applying pressure to these points, reflexology aims to relieve stress and support healing in the body part each point is associated with.

A study comparing reflexology to gentle foot massage in women experiencing infertility found that reflexology did not improve ovulation or pregnancy rates. However, reflexology was associated with lower depression scores, which can help strengthen your resilience and overall fertility treatment experience.7

Take a balanced approach

Current medical research does not directly link complementary remedies to enhanced fertility. However, if such remedies benefit your emotional wellbeing and do not interfere with your current medical treatments, they could be a positive addition.

Always explore these options in consultation with your fertility specialist to ensure that these won’t interfere with your treatment.

There are also other changes you can make to maximise your chances of getting pregnant, such as:

  • Drinking caffeine in moderation
  • Incorporating regular movement into your routine
  • Maintaining a healthy weight
  • Enjoying a balanced, nutritious diet
  • Taking the recommended supplements.

If you would like to learn more about lifestyle changes to improve your fertility, you can also read ‘What can I do differently in 2024 to fall pregnant?’ by Newlife IVF fertility specialist Dr Nicole Hope.

Still got questions?

To meet with one of our Newlife IVF fertility specialists and learn more about how you can improve your fertility, you can reach our team by calling (03) 8080 8933 or book online via our appointments page.

References

  1. Arentz S, Smith CA, Abbott J et al. Combined lifestyle and herbal medicine in overweight women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS): A randomized controlled trial. Phytother Res. 2017;31(9):1330-40. doi:10.1002/ptr.5858 ↩ ↩
  2. Clark N, Will M, Moravek M et al. A systematic review of the evidence for complementary and alternative medicine in infertility. Int J of Gynaecol Obstet. 2013;122(3):202-6. doi: 10.1016/j.ijgo.2013.03.032
    HealthProfessional/#:~:text=Today%2C%20black%20cohosh%20is%20most,irritability%20%5B5%2C6%5D ↩ ↩ ↩
  3. Xi J, Chen H, Peng ZH et al. Effects of acupuncture on the outcomes of assisted reproductive technology: an overview of systematic reviews. Evid-Based Complement and Alternat Med. 2018;2018:7352735. doi: 10.1155/2018/7352735 ↩
  4. Hassanzadeh Bashtian M, Latifnejad Roudsari R, Sadeghi R. Effects of acupuncture on anxiety in infertile women: a systematic review of the literature. J Midwifery Reprod Health. 2017;5(1):842-8. doi: 10.22038/jmrh.2016.7949 ↩
  5. Patel A, Sharma PSVN, Kumar P. Application of Mindfulness-Based Psychological Interventions in Infertility. J Hum Reprod Sci. 2020;13(1):3-21. doi: 10.4103/jhrs.JHRS_51_19 ↩
  6. Oron G, Allnutt E, Lackman T et al. A prospective study using Hatha Yoga for stress reduction among women waiting for IVF treatment. Reprod Biomed Online. 2015;30(5):542-8. doi: 10.1016/j.rbmo.2015.01.011 ↩
  7. Holt J, Lord J, Acharya U et al. The effectiveness of foot reflexology in inducing ovulation: a sham-controlled randomised trial. Fertil Steril. 2008;91(6):2514-19. doi: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.fertnstert.2008.04.016 ↩

Building resilience during IVF – how to cope with the highs and lows

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Building emotional resilience can help you manage these emotions, recover from setbacks and cope with life’s difficulties and uncertainties.

What is resilience?

‘Resilience is the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.’1

Being resilient does not mean avoiding feelings of stress or emotional pain – rather, it is adapting to difficult or unexpected circumstances and bouncing back from the experience.

Resilience improves your wellbeing

Concerning fertility, research has shown that higher levels of resilience among couples struggling with fertility are associated with enhanced quality of life and emotional stability, as well as lower fertility-related distress.2
Beyond helping you cope during fertility treatment, building resilience can have a positive impact on your overall health and wellbeing, leading to3:

  • Fewer depressive symptoms
  • Improved adaptation to stress
  • Enhanced ability to cope during distressing experiences
  • Improved physical health.

Practices to build your resilience

Like progressively strengthening a muscle, you can learn to become more resilient to life’s challenges over time. Here are some examples that may help.

Grow supportive connections Cropped shot of two young women embracing each other

Drawing on the support of those around you, including your partner (where applicable), family or friends, can help share the emotional load of your experience as you continue with your fertility treatment.4 Help is a two-way street – in addition to accepting help, supporting your loved ones through difficult moments can help you feel connected to others while giving you a sense of satisfaction, in turn strengthening your resilience. Small and simple gestures like checking in with a friend or lending an empathetic ear while others are dealing with stress can also distract you from an inward focus where you feel stuck in your own problems.

Manage uncertainty

During fertility counselling sessions, we often dive into how to navigate feelings of uncertainty and lack of control that can be experienced during fertility treatment. This is because learning how to accept uncertainty – not just during fertility treatment but throughout life in general – can help develop resilience.

But merely accepting the unpredictability and ‘unknowns’ of your fertility care is not an easy thing to do, which is why we recommend practising mindfulness. Instead of latching onto feelings of uncertainty when these thoughts arise, acknowledge their existence and try to move through these feelings. This is one of the hardest things to do, so be kind to yourself while you work on this.

Set small, achievable goals

The pride and sense of accomplishment you feel when achieving a goal is motivating and energising, helping you to feel more optimistic. Research has shown that breaking down your overarching goal into smaller short-term goals can help reframe your mindset while also relieving feelings of disappointment after a negative fertility treatment cycle.4

So ensuring that your goals are achievable is a great way to build resilience. In this instance, the importance is not the goal itself but the process of setting small goals and noticing your progress.

Break down each step in your fertility treatment cycle into mini-goals – this might include taking your hormone injections each day, completing your blood tests and scans, having your embryo transfer or intrauterine insemination procedure, or getting through each day of the two-week wait before finding out whether the treatment resulted in the outcome you were hoping for.

Sprinkle in some joy

There can be moments of sadness and loss when trying to conceive, which can make it harder to appreciate other joys in life, particularly if your fertility journey is regularly on your mind (as it’s very easy for treatment to become a sole focus).

Try to maintain some ‘normality’ in your life by engaging in activities that bring you joy.4 Humour is also effective in helping to develop a more resilient nature, so exploring activities that make you laugh while giving you a break from treatment can help you stay connected to day-to-day life.

Take the time to reflect

Think back on obstacles that you have previously overcome and recognise that you have already been developing resilience over the years, perhaps without knowing it. Reflect on past situations that have caused you stress, grief or trauma and ask yourself:

  • What worked in helping you to cope during these times?
  • What didn’t work well?
  • Who were the best people to help you at those times?

Take these learnings with you on your fertility journey and draw on them when working through any disappointing or unexpected outcomes.

Connect with our supportive counselling team

Our compassionate Newlife IVF counsellors are here to guide you through every step of your journey.

At Newlife IVF, we are committed to supporting our patients the best we can, which includes providing you with additional counselling sessions at no extra cost. To book an appointment with one of our counsellors, call (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected]. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to consult with you over the phone so you don’t have to take time off work.

We also offer our TLC group support sessions to help you overcome feelings of isolation during treatment and improve your connection with others. Please email [email protected] for upcoming meetings.

Remember, you have made it through rough times before. You’ve got this.

References

  1. American Psychological Association. Building your resilience. American Psychological Association. 2020. Accessed 20249. https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience ↩
  2. Herrmann D, Scherg H, Verres R et al. Resilience in infertile couples acts as a protective factor against infertility-specific distress and impaired quality of life. J Assist Reprod Genet. 2011;28(11):1111–1117. doi:10.1007/s10815-011-9637-2 ↩
  3. Quyen G, Vandelanotte C, Cope K, et al. The association of resilience with depression, anxiety, stress and physical activity during the COVID-19 pandemic. BMC Public Health. 2022;22. ↩
  4. Bailey A, Ellis-Caird H, Croft C. Living through unsuccessful conception attempts: a grounded theory of resilience among women undergoing fertility treatment. J Reprod Infant Psychol. 2017 Sep;35(4),324–333. https://doi.org/10.1080/02646838.2017.1320366 ↩ ↩ ↩

Balancing work and fertility treatment

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For instance, it can feel overwhelming when you have to manage multiple appointments – including tests, scans and procedures – alongside a busy work schedule. Below, we explore common patient experiences when navigating a career as well as fertility treatment, along with advice from our counsellors to help you manage this balancing act.

To tell or not to tell

Some people find it easier to communicate with their workplace manager about their upcoming fertility treatment so that they can negotiate time off or flexible working arrangements when beginning a treatment cycle. Being upfront and open about what is required of you throughout your fertility treatment journey can help you and your manager plan around the quantity of work you can do, along with arrangements to suit your treatment schedule, such as reduced travel, flexible hours or the option to work from home if needed.

Unfortunately, there are instances where workplaces are not supportive of their employees, and women choose to withhold their family-building plans from their workplace for fear of discrimination or missing out on opportunities due to future pregnancy. If you elect not to disclose your fertility treatment with your workplace, have a plan in place to help you manage your scheduled appointments, including time off work for your procedures. Without going into the specific details, you may consider disclosing that you are ‘having a medical procedure’ and leave it at that.

Managing questions

Having your colleagues ask questions about your fertility or why you’ve had time off lately is a common experience for many of our patients. Some people are inherently curious about your family-building plans even though it isn’t necessarily their business. Just as you may be doing with family and friends, you might consider having a plan to manage these questions. For instance, coming up with some standard responses can be a good trick to have up your sleeve so that you can reply promptly and nip that curiosity in the bud.

If you’ve already opened up to others about your infertility, you might find yourself fielding questions. For instance, there may be interest about when you’re starting treatment or how far along you are in your treatment cycle, along with how you’re feeling and whether you’re pregnant yet. While these questions are often well-intended and come from a good place, sometimes they are misplaced or poorly timed.

If you have told others about your fertility treatment journey, consider setting boundaries with them from the start – let them know that you will update them when you have news or need their support, and kindly ask them to give you space during this time. For many patients, the workplace can serve as a place to remain busy and distracted, so being interrupted with questions related to your fertility treatment can impinge on your ability to distract yourself.

Should I take leave?

Patients often ask us for advice on whether they should take a few days or weeks off work during their treatment. In our experience, this decision is highly individual and often determined by whether it is financially viable for you to do so or if you have enough annual leave accrued to facilitate this.

During our counselling sessions, we also discuss whether it is helpful to maintain a normal routine. On one hand, sticking to your routine can give you a sense of normalcy and preserve your emotional health and wellbeing. Meanwhile, extended leave from work may leave you feeling like you have too much time on your hands, causing you to ruminate on your treatment. On the other hand, if you find that work is exacerbating your distress about your fertility journey, perhaps it’s worth considering a few days of planned leave or working from home during the more stressful periods of your treatment cycle.

We generally advise patients to take a day off work on the day of egg collection (and likely the next day). While there is a lesser need to do so for intrauterine insemination (IUI) and embryo transfers, it can be an opportunity for you to have a day off to do something enjoyable and celebrate. After all, you may have just made a baby! Taking sick leave for these days is how most patients manage their treatment, and you will be given a medical certificate on the day of your procedure to accommodate this.

Self-care at work

Some patients have found that they are less engaged and ‘switched on’ at work while undertaking fertility treatment or that they are falling short of their usual high standards. In these instances, it’s important to remind yourself that your medications (which mimic your body’s hormones) and the potential stress of fertility issues can affect how you function at work. You also may find that your focus shifts away from work and towards the practical and emotional demands of fertility treatment.

Making your work a lesser priority can feel strange and uncomfortable, particularly if you have a strong work ethic. It may take some time to adjust to these new feelings, so be kind to yourself in this space – and be mindful of the pressure you place on yourself at work. Consider lowering the expectations you have for yourself. You don’t always need to function at 100% capacity.

You may find that telling a trusted colleague about your treatment can help provide you with emotional support and practical help when dealing with these feelings. Perhaps even consider devising strategies for when you’re feeling under pressure, such as leaving your office for a walk, practising mindfulness or breathing exercises, talking to your support person or a friend, or even leaving work early.

Our counselling team is here to help

The Newlife IVF counsellors are very experienced in providing support during and after IVF treatment. If you would like to book an appointment with one of our counsellors, please do not hesitate to contact us. You can reach our team by calling (03) 8080 8933. And to make things easy for you, we are more than happy to talk with you over the phone, so you don’t have to take more time off work.

Taking time to prepare for Mother’s Day

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Many on their TTC (trying to conceive) journey feel a sense of obligation or pressure to attend events or visit family on Mother’s Day, which can cause conflicting feelings. If you suspect this day may trigger unwanted emotions, consider limiting your time at these events. Sticking to a planned arrival and departure time or shortening the window of time spent with your family are ways to implement this.

While it’s human nature to want to ‘show up‘ for others, particularly family, prioritising the needs and happiness of others over your own can be incredibly challenging. Remember, there is a difference between practising self-care and being selfish – and you are allowed to prioritise care and kindness to yourself on this day.

Be proactive

Plan ahead with strategies to help you manage the day. For some, it will be helpful to connect with family and focus on the mother figures in their lives. If this is the case, planning your usual Mother’s Day traditions is the way to go. However, for others, this may be too painful or triggering – it’s okay to say no to events that may cause you grief and sadness.

Additionally, choosing to view things from a different perspective or focus may also be beneficial and help you feel empowered throughout the day. Consider tuning out the emphasis on celebrating Mother’s Day entirely and, instead, viewing the day as an opportunity to have fun together as a couple or, if you’re single, with your friends or support network. Pick somewhere to go where you are less likely to be surrounded by children or think of activities you can do at home. For example, you could go for a hike or bike ride, view that movie you’ve wanted to see or make a nice meal at home.

Communicate

Talk to people in your support network about how you are feeling. Having your emotions acknowledged and validated (particularly if they are mixed or painful) can feel very supportive. Discuss how you might navigate the day with your partner or a close friend, and if you are seeing family or friends, speak to them about what your needs might be. Most people prefer to be guided by you about the specific support you require, as they often feel stuck or unsure about what to say or do.

If you are supporting someone going through fertility treatment, you could approach them and check how they are managing in the lead-up to Mother’s Day and see what they would like to do on the day. By reaching out first, you can help take away any anxiety your loved one might be feeling about raising this topic themselves.

Social media and advertising

On Mother’s Day, our social media feeds are full of people sharing photos of family events, their mothers and their children. And at this time of year, advertisements on social media, television and in retail stores can be a constant reminder of your own infertility journey. Keep in mind that you may see this messaging when you go shopping, listen to the radio or watch TV.

While it’s difficult to avoid entirely, there are some ways you can lessen the amount of social media posts and advertising you are confronted with. Consider opting out or unsubscribing from emails sent by retail companies. It can also be helpful to have a media detox on the day and avoid social media or news outlets so that you can limit the messaging you see.

A helping hand

Remember that our counsellors are here to provide you with support, so please reach out to the team if you would like to talk. Whatever you are feeling in the lead-up to this day is valid and ok. We are thinking of you and send our best wishes.

Infertility and the festive season – your guide to coping

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For some, the end of the year can also symbolise another year passed without achieving their family goals. It’s common for people undergoing fertility treatment to feel overwhelmed at the thought of socialising with others while navigating these thoughts and feelings – particularly as this time of year intertwines festive traditions with social commitments involving friends, family and colleagues.

Rest assured that it’s OK if you’re not feeling the festive vibe this year. While you may feel bound to your social calendar, take some pressure off by reminding yourself that these plans are not set in stone (even those considered a tradition!). In fact, if recent years have taught us anything, we’ve learned that plans can change.

Prioritise your own needs and feelings this holiday season. Rather than stretching yourself thin to meet the needs and expectations of others, commit to events and catch-ups on your own terms – or not at all if you’d prefer. Below are some small steps that may help you navigate this.

Negotiate this time of year with family and friends

Finding the courage to turn down events can be difficult. In these instances, you may benefit from taking a softer approach. Instead of overtly saying you can’t attend an event, take a practical stance when responding. ‘Sorry, that plan doesn’t suit me’ is a perfectly acceptable answer when declining an invitation.

Preparing for social gatherings

Be consciously selective about what you agree to – whether attending a social occasion, preparing food or buying gifts. If you choose to be present at a social gathering, consider how long you’d like to stay there. Perhaps popping in for a brief catch-up before excusing yourself is an ideal option.

It’s also worth thinking of tactics to help minimise feelings of stress or discomfort while there. For example, keeping yourself busy and distracted by helping the host with the cooking or cleaning may relieve you from topics of conversation you’d prefer not to partake in.

Communicate that you’re having a tough time. Doing so doesn’t necessarily mean disclosing information about your fertility journey. Rather, consider using more general references to having a stressful or difficult year. Prefacing this may also help your host understand your situation without feeling offended that you’ve declined their invitation or have chosen to leave their gathering early.

It can also be a good idea to prepare a code word or a signal to give your partner or support person when you need them to rescue you from a difficult conversation or when you want to go home. For an efficient exit strategy, have a mode of transport conveniently waiting in the wings, such as your own car or a pre-booked ride service.

You do you

Celebrate how you want! Allow yourself to commemorate the festive season in a way that is comfortable and meaningful to you. Perhaps a trip away with your partner or a friend aligns with your needs more than attending a big family gathering. Staying home is also an option. Whatever you choose to do, make sure that it brings you joy, even if only a little.

R&R is just what the doctor ordered

Use this holiday period to rest, relax and recharge while you take a break from treatment. Take advantage of your time off work to prioritise self-care. For instance, schedule a relaxing massage appointment, escape the city for a few days, plan some day trips to the beach or countryside, or simply curl up with a good book.

Pause and reflect

Take some time to reflect on your fertility journey so far, along with your plans for next year. Some prompts you can use include:

  • Is there anything you could do differently next year?
  • What are your expectations, and do you need to adjust these at all?
  • Do you have questions to discuss with your fertility specialist?

Conscious consideration of your journey so far allows you to sort through your observations and determine if there’s a better way of improving your experience. It also helps to break down big decisions into more manageable chunks, which can help you feel more in control and aid future decision-making.

Reach out for help

Reach out for support when you need help working through uncomfortable feelings as they arise. This could be from your partner (if you have one), a family member or a friend. Be open and honest with your networks about how you feel and how they can best support you.

Acknowledge that this time of year can trigger unwanted emotions and that it’s OK to feel the way you do, whatever that may be. We all cope in different ways. So do whatever is needed to keep your heart, mind and body strong for the coming year – and above all else, be kind to yourself!

Lastly, remember that the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help you navigate and unpack your experiences and emotions, so please reach out to us if you would like to talk. Call the Newlife IVF team on (03) 8080 8933 or email us at [email protected].

R U OK? – feeling supported during your fertility journey

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It’s easy to become distracted by the hustle and bustle of daily life, to the extent that you may forget to regularly check in with your loved ones. R U OK? Day promotes awareness of the importance of community and connection for mental wellbeing. It encourages you to slow down and pay attention to the cues and behaviours of people around you who may not be in a healthy headspace. Additionally, R U OK? Day can inspire you to connect with others in a more meaningful way, building social bonds and healthy relationships.

It’s OK to not feel ‘OK’

Experiencing a spectrum of emotions is part of your basic human nature. Despite this, society often imposes restrictive views about emotional health. It’s common for feelings such as anger or sadness to be viewed with negativity, while joy or contentment are seen as ‘healthy’.

Your emotional responses have an important use, providing you with information about your lived experiences – both past and present. For instance, emotions can be a signal that you’re overextended and need support, or they can help you identify when something in your life needs to change. Recognising this is an important part of self-reflection and personal development. Therefore, remind yourself that it’s OK to not feel ‘OK’ from time to time.

Got a feeling that someone you know is struggling?

Start a conversation – encourage your friends, family and colleagues to talk about their situation. Ask them questions such as ‘how are you going?’ or ‘what’s been happening?’ If someone speaks openly about the emotional hardships they are experiencing, including sadness, depression or anxiety, listen to them with an open mind, free of judgement. Sometimes, providing an empathetic ear is more beneficial than being solution-focused, as this acknowledges and validates how the person is feeling.

You may also consider asking if there is anything you can do to help. However, be mindful that some conversations are too big for family and friends to take on alone. In instances such as these, where the person appears to be at risk, encourage them to contact a health professional – or offer your help to find the right person for them to talk to.

Our support network is here to help

For many of us, the answer to ‘R U OK?’ is neither yes nor no, but rather ‘sometimes.’ For people undergoing fertility treatment, feeling anger and sadness is often as much a part of the journey as experiencing hope and resilience. All of this is OK.

Remember that our counsellors are here to support you, so please reach out to the team if you would like to talk. Whatever you are feeling in the lead-up to this day, we are thinking of you and sending our best wishes.

My fertility journey – tips for managing conversations with family and friends

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Fielding questions

Parents, siblings, friends and colleagues can be constant reminders of your fertility issues, particularly when they ask that question: “When are you having a baby?” Having a few pre-prepared responses up your sleeve can help take the spotlight off if you find yourself in this situation. These can be blunt and honest, a bit cheeky, or even vague – it all depends on what you’re comfortable with and who’s asking the question. Here’s a list of some of the things you might want to say:

– “Trust me, we’ve been trying!”
– “Thanks for asking, but it’s really none of your business.”
– “Why, do you want to give me one of your kids?”
– “As soon as I figure out how…”
– “We have been trying but are struggling to fall pregnant. I’d rather not talk about it as it is quite a sensitive subject.”

Managing other people’s expectations

Patients undergoing assisted reproductive treatment often find that their family and close friends have assumptions about success and outcomes. Unfortunately, this can leave you managing not only your own expectations but also those of the people around you.

Typically, your family and friends won’t have a great understanding of infertility, its causes and its treatment options. Once you’ve seen your fertility specialist, nurse and counsellor, you will have more knowledge about your situation and treatment plan – so take some time to educate others about what you’ve learnt. Providing this information to your supports can help them keep their expectations in check. This way, they will be able to give you the support you need and not the other way around.

One tip we frequently recommend is to establish boundaries with your support network early. Let them know that you appreciate their love and care during this tricky time but would rather update them when you have news to give instead of answering lots of questions. Some couples even tell their loved ones that no news is bad news. This way they don’t have to update every single person if a disappointing outcome occurs.

Attending social events

Being invited to certain social events can trigger mixed emotions for many people undergoing assisted reproductive treatment. For example, whilst you may feel happy that your friend had a baby, it can also cause very painful feelings of grief and loss. It’s okay to decline invitations to baby showers, birthdays and family gatherings, particularly during the times of your treatment where you feel most vulnerable. There is a difference between self-care and selfish, and prioritising your own needs is especially important when you are trying to have a baby. It may feel uncomfortable at times to say no but try to stay firm and uphold your boundaries if you can. You don’t need to provide a reason for not attending – “I’m sorry I/we can’t make it” is enough.

This doesn’t mean you won’t attend a social event again. Whether you decide to go or not will usually depend on the timing of your treatment or how you’re feeling at the time. Socialising can benefit your emotional health and wellbeing, so instead of cutting all social ties, you might choose to limit the number or type of events you attend.

Talking about your needs

Communicating to your family and friends how they can help and support you during your fertility treatment has its benefits. Most people will want to understand what your needs are, as they may feel stuck or unsure about what the right thing to say or do is. They may even avoid you out of fear of causing offence or making things awkward.

For some of you, this might mean asking a family member to check in with you every few days. For others, it may involve asking for time and space to work through things on your own first. You could even ask your support people to do something nice with you, like popping out for a coffee or going for a walk. If you prefer practical support over emotional support, you can always ask them to give you a lift to your scan or help out with some freezer meals so cooking is one less thing you have to worry about. Whatever your needs are, own them! There is no right or wrong here.

Finding ways to de-stress

Handling conversations about your fertility can be stressful at times. It’s important to allocate enough time to yourself for activities that help take the heat off. This could be as simple as taking a walk, getting stuck into some exercise, or even letting a good book or film distract you. Healthy habits that lift your mood and help you relax are a wonderful way to alleviate stress associated with fertility treatment.

Added support

Assisted reproductive treatment can be a time of stress and heightened emotions. While having your family and friends around you can be key in helping you to cope with this, remember that this is also a time to prioritise yourself. Be your own advocate in this space, communicate your needs and be brave.

If you need a hand navigating the highs and lows of your fertility journey, our fertility counsellors are here to help. You can make an appointment with Sarah, Laura or Kellie by calling Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933.

Secondary infertility – when baby #2 (or 3 or 4 …) doesn’t come easily

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Secondary infertility, defined as the inability to conceive despite having conceived in the past, affects approximately 10% of women.1 It is different from primary infertility, which is when a woman who has never conceived before struggles to fall pregnant.

Secondary infertility can produce similar heartache to primary infertility, especially if you feel your family is not yet complete, you want to provide your children with a sibling, or you long for the son or daughter you don’t yet have. It’s important to recognise that your feelings and concerns are valid, and shouldn’t be brushed aside simply because you already have one or more children – you are equally deserving of seeking help to achieve a second or subsequent child, as are a woman or couple yet to have any children.

What causes secondary infertility?

There are a number of factors that are commonly associated with secondary infertility. These include:

Age

It’s common knowledge that women have a ‘biological clock’ – that is, the age-related decline in a woman’s fertility, due to a decrease in the number and quality of her eggs. This decline accelerates once a woman hits 35. Given that a woman is usually older when planning subsequent pregnancies, her increasing age can be a significant contributing factor to any difficulty she is experiencing second (or third or fourth …) time round. This is particularly true nowadays due to the societal trend towards older age at first pregnancy, meaning women can be well over 35 when they are ready to start trying for another child. For men, there is also a gradual age-related fertility decline from the age of 40, even if their sperm count is reported as normal.

Lifestyle

Successful conception requires unprotected sexual intercourse to occur at the right time – around the time of ovulation, when an egg is released from the ovaries. Consequently, unprotected sex every one to two days during this ‘fertile window’ each month provides the best chance of falling pregnant. However, with one or more young children to take care of, maintaining regular sexual intercourse, let alone doing it at the ‘right’ time, can be difficult. Further, you may not be taking care of yourself as well as you usually would, as you put the needs of your little one/s first. A good diet and regular exercise can fall by the wayside for mums of busy toddlers. This, combined with potential weight gain, can also contribute to sub-optimal fertility at this time of life.

Complication from a prior pregnancy or delivery

Scar tissue can sometimes form inside the uterus (womb) or cervix. This may be an issue if you have ever had a procedure called a dilatation and curettage (D&C) to remove tissue from the uterus due to a miscarriage or retained placenta after a previous birth. Although uncommon, the presence of scar tissue can prevent a pregnancy. However, it can usually be removed via a simple procedure called a hysteroscopy.

Secondary infertility can also be caused by many of the same factors that cause primary infertility. For women, this includes ‘structural’ disorders that may be affecting the health of your reproductive organs (e.g. endometriosis, fibroids, polyps), as well as hormonal disorders like polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) and thyroid disease. Thus, a full check-up with your gynaecologist is a good first step if your next pregnancy isn’t coming as quickly as you would like or expect.

What should I do if I’m experiencing secondary infertility?

The advice for those experiencing secondary infertility is the same as for those experiencing primary infertility. If you are under 35, seek help after 12 months of trying. If you are over 35, seek help after 6 months of trying. Depending on your circumstances, fertility treatment may be as simple as ovulation tracking and fertility optimisation through lifestyle changes. For advice specific to you, you can make an appointment with one of our fertility specialists by calling Newlife IVF on (03) 8080 8933 or by booking online via our appointments page.

Exercise

Further reading

 

Reference
  1.  Mascarenhas et al. PLoS Med. 2012;9(12):e1001356. ↩

Sperm donation – separating fact from fiction

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Wanted: a few good men!

As a growing number of single women make the decision to embark on solo parenting, lesbian couples embrace techniques like artificial insemination and IVF to help them have a family, and fertility issues become more common for heterosexual couples who meet and marry later in life, there’s never been a more appropriate time for Australian men to donate their sperm.

However, despite a clear need for more donor sperm, there’s still a lot of myths around sperm donation, and understandably, men are often hesitant to put themselves forward. Here, we explore the truth behind the most common misconceptions to help overcome some of the fears men may have about becoming a donor.

“Gay men can’t donate sperm.”

A gay man can donate sperm just like any other healthy male. In Australia, sexual orientation plays no part in deciding whether or not you can become a sperm donor (admittedly, this is a clear contrast to the policies of some international sperm banks). Unfortunately, because men who have sex with men are prevented from donating blood – due to a perceived increased risk of sexually transmitted diseases – some people assume that gay men can’t donate sperm either. However, that’s simply not the case and here in Australia, gay men have actually been credited for increasing the availability of donor sperm.

The fact is, all sperm donors – no matter their sexual orientation – are screened for infectious diseases before their sperm is cleared for use. This includes blood tests at the time of donation and again at 3 months. Sperm is only made available to potential recipients after both sets of blood tests have been given the all clear (this is why donor sperm is not used straightaway but quarantined for 3 months).  Simply put, sexual orientation doesn’t form part of the eligibility criteria for sperm donors and is irrelevant to your ability to donate. Whether you’re gay, bi or straight, your intent is exactly the same – to give in order to help others in need.

“My sperm could be used to make hundreds of children.”

You may have come across news stories about men abroad who have fathered many, many children through sperm donation (some well into the double figures!). However, Australian law simply does not permit this. In Victoria, sperm from a single donor is only allowed to be used by a maximum of 10 different patients or ‘families’. This effectively limits the number of potential children that can be conceived by any one donor.

On the other hand, there is no limit to the number of children that can be born from the same sperm donor within each of these families. This gives families the opportunity to bear siblings who are genetically related. So if a recipient has success with your sperm, they may choose to use your sperm again in the future when trying for baby #2 or 3 in order to give their child a biologically-related brother or sister.

But it’s also important to realise that your sperm may never be used or may only be used once or twice. If it is used, there is also no guarantee that the process of assisted conception (e.g. IVF or IUI) will be successful for the recipient, i.e. a child may not result every time your sperm is used. Further, the semen we collect from you may also not ‘stretch’ to ten different families. This, along with unsuccessful IVF attempts, is why we like donors to provide a few sperm samples over time.

“If you donate sperm, you’ll have children showing up on your doorstep for years to come.”

The Victorian government was one of the first to query the ethical implications of the secrecy surrounding sperm donorship. As such, current legislation states that a donor-conceived person can request identifying information about their donor once they turn 18. This loss of guaranteed anonymity is one of the main reasons why the number of sperm donors has dropped over recent decades. However, although a donor-conceived child has the option of getting in touch with you once they are an adult, this doesn’t necessarily mean they will do so. Some children may not know they are donor-conceived while others will simply have no inclination to reach out.

If a child conceived from your sperm does choose to get in contact with you, you still have no legal, financial or parental responsibilities to that child. However, you may find that you are happy to build and maintain a relationship with them. In this case, you can discuss and agree together the extent of any future contact, in line with what you both feel comfortable with.

“If you’re a sperm donor, you’re a father of all the children who are born.”

When you donate your sperm, it provides the biological means to create a baby only. Men who donate sperm anonymously through a registered sperm bank are not legally or financially responsible for any child born from their sperm. Sperm donor recipients (i.e. the mum and dad to be) must also receive counselling to ensure mutual understanding of your rights as a donor. Put simply, you are just the sperm donor, not the Dad. And we make sure that everyone involved knows that they do not have the right to ask or expect you to be anything more than that.

“Only good-looking men’s sperm will be used”

Don’t think your sperm will be wanted? Think again! The reality is that recipients often have their own ideas of the ‘dream’ sperm donor. And this could be you! When it comes to donor selection, your physical attributes (e.g. blue eyes, brown hair, height) are listed but photos are never provided. More often than not, recipients will choose a donor based on other information provided, including your age, medical history, hobbies/interests, ethnic background, and reason for donating. For example, we know one woman who chose her donor based on the fact that he (like herself) had a penchant for trivia, a trait she hoped would be passed on to her future child!

The fact is, the most important attribute of any sperm bank is variety, thereby enabling choice. That’s why we welcome donors from a wide range of nationalities, cultures, professions, and stages and ages of life. This ensures that women and couples have the opportunity to choose a donor that aligns with their personal preferences, particularly if bearing a child with a clear physical resemblance or from a certain ethnic background (e.g. Asian, Anglosaxon) is important to them.

Donate life, change lives with Newlife IVF

Newlife IVF loves hearing from new sperm donors – single men, fathers, gay individuals or couples. Come one, come all! If you have been thinking about becoming a donor but haven’t yet taken the next step, please call us on (03) 8080 8933 or email [email protected] so we can give you all the facts and get your swimmers to those who need it sooner rather than later!

Further reading

Infertility, IVF and the festive season

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This post was contributed by Laura Oliver, one of Newlife IVF’s counsellors. 

Christmas often symbolises a time of joy and happiness. We plan celebratory events with family and friends, and take time to reflect on the end of another year. But this time of year can also be very difficult for women and couples who have been struggling with infertility and going through assisted reproductive treatment (ART) like IVF.

The focus at Christmas time is often on children and families, with Christmas cards and social media posts typically displaying pictures of family events or children with Santa. There can be a real sense of pressure to deliver good news at a time of year when many people are celebrating. However, if you’ve been struggling to fall pregnant or undergoing fertility treatment, the end of the year can serve as a painful marker that you have not achieved what you had hoped for this year, and for some of you, a reminder that yet another 12 months have gone by without a successful outcome.

All of this can bring up unwanted feelings of sadness, frustration, jealousy, anger and grief – and with a barrage of festive mementos and occasions around you to remind you that you’re not pregnant, it’s no wonder you feel this way!

Below are some tips on how you can manage the festive season while coping with fertility issues and undergoing treatment.

Be selective

Pre-plan and be selective about which events you attend at this time of year. If you do attend an event, consider how long to stay there for, and what you can do while there to minimise any feelings of stress or discomfort – for example, helping cook or wash up can help keep you busy and distracted, and may assist you to avoid topics of conversation you don’t want to be involved in.

Warn people in advance that you may find Christmas difficult – this doesn’t mean having to disclose information about your fertility; you can make more general references to having had a stressful or difficult year instead. Try to give your hosts time to understand that this year might look a little different for you, and to not be offended if you decide not to attend or only stay for a short while.

If you have a partner or a support person with you, plan a code word or signal to give when you need them to rescue you from a difficult conversation, or when you want to wind up and go home.

Celebrate

Celebrate how you want. Sometimes, this might feel a little selfish at a time when there are often traditions to uphold or family events to attend, but give yourself permission to celebrate in a way that is comfortable and meaningful to you at this time.

This could mean going away with a friend or just your partner (or staying home) and avoiding big family gatherings. Or starting a new tradition for this time of year. Do something that you know will bring you joy, no matter how small.

Re-charge

Use some of this holiday period to re-charge and take a break from treatment (if you feel you can). Take advantage of your time off work and prioritise self-care – pamper yourself! Get a massage, go away for a few days, plan some day trips to the beach or the countryside, or curl up with a good book.

Reflect

Take some time to reflect on your IVF journey so far, and perhaps think about your plans for treatment moving forward. Is there anything you could do differently next year? What are your expectations, and do you need to adjust these at all? Do you have questions to discuss with your specialist? Perhaps even think about how much longer you think you can continue with IVF treatment before needing to pause and reassess again.

Reflect on your own, with your partner (if you have one) or a support person. You could try using a journal to write down how you’re feeling, record the questions you may have, or come up with a list of pros and cons to aid future decision-making.

Ask for help

Use your supports (partner, family, friends) to help you work through any difficult feelings as they arise. Be open and honest with your networks about how you feel and the ways in which they can be of support to you. Be reassured that the way you are feeling, and the different types of emotions and thoughts that may be triggered at this time of year, are very normal. But we all cope in different ways, so make sure you do whatever it is you need to do to keep your heart, mind and body strong for the year to come. And above all else, remember to be kind to yourself!

Lastly, remember that the Newlife IVF counselling team is here to help. We can help you navigate and unpack your experiences and emotions. If you feel that you could benefit from the support of our counselling team, please call the Newlife IVF team on (03) 8080 8933.